All in my head

"You look like New Year"

"You know how you said you would puncture both his lungs with a screwdriver if a boy ever made me cry?" I said, stubbing two cigarettes that were smoked till the filter onto the concrete.

"You forgot the part about dumping him in the river for the crabs," said Emma, crushing an empty cigarette box in her hand. "It's your New Years just as much as everyones', though. Try to forget about him for the night."

The lights atop the skyscraper shone bright. A huddle of high-schoolers next to us had an empty Smirnoff amongst themselves, and a shy boy in thick glasses had just spun it. It landed on this girl who had a dozen piercings in her face, and the noise that commenced started to hurt my ears. I decided to go somewhere more quiet.

"I'm moving," I said, uncrossing my legs. Emma sighed, but started getting up as well. "You're too sensitive, that's your thing." she started, but stopped. "Shit, is that Voldemort?"

He-who-shall-not-be-named, we called him, or Voldemort. Very original, I know. Lame jokes and antagonising the other is the remedy to every breakup. Peter Kensington, the boy who broke my heart, walked onto the platform with a girl on his arm. I wonder if he holds her face and tell her he loves her, too.

Instantly, my mind runs loose.

She's blonde.

I wonder if he calls her little miss sunshine too, like he used to call me.

She's so skinny.

I wonder how he likes those legs wrapped around him.

She's so conventionally pretty.

I wonder if that's what he meant when he told me I was different.

"Jesus, she's so orange," Emma joked, scrunching up her nose. "She looks like Dolly Parton if she was a Thanksgiving turkey."

I laughed, even though it hurt to the pit of my stomach.

"Oh my god! NICOLEEE!" A girl crashed into me. "I haven't *hic* seen you in agesss" The girl drawled, hammered off her mind.

It was Trisha, a girl I used to know from my last school. She tapped my nose. "Have you been good?" She stumbled, spilling some of her drink on me. "Hahah, *hic* whoops!" She grinned. "HAPPY NEW YEAR," she screamed in my ear, and wobbled off.

Because of how loud she was , a lot of heads turned to look at me. One of those heads was Ken.

Shit.

Emma watched on, horrified. "Right, Nicole, look at me." She said.

But I couldn't.

Ken opened his mouth to say something, but just as he started walking towards me, his girlfriend flung her arms around his neck.

"Baby, my shoes are starting to hurt." She whined. Then she saw me. "What is this?" she said.

I took a deep breath and walked up to her. "I'm a who, not a what." I stuck my hand out and forced a smile. "Nicole Allister."

She stared at my hand like it was something scraped off the bottom of a shoe.

"Don't you know how to shake?" I said, and she just blankly stared. "Guess not then." And I turned, only to have Emma add in and say snarkily "Yeah, Ken, train your bitches better."

I stood, mortified. Emma was smug about that, but now I had to apologise. "Look," I turned back around. "She didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry."