these bountiful silences

xxvii. abscond

"I looked at the night sky and took the moment to exhale entrapment from my lungs and inhale freedom."

xxvii. abscond

"What do you mean, Harry?" Zayn's voice comes suddenly from the other side of the craft. Harry nearly forgot that Zayn was even there. Harry feels another set of hands on his shoulders, yanking him out of where he was breathing in the protective aura that Louis seems to exude around him. "What happened to Gemma?"

Harry looks into Zayn's eyes, they look crazed; like the eyes of a caged animal that has lost all of it's bearings. He inhales shakily and looks at Louis. His hand is running placatingly over his hair but he can see the anticipation emanating from his eyes. He glances between the two men that are looking at him with this certain brand of desperation that makes his heart feel like it's shattering. If only I had a heart to break, he thinks bitterly. There's nothing more for him to feel, nothing left for him to have hurt.

"I.." Harry says brokenly. "I killed her."

Silence falls heavily over the craft and Louis' hand pauses in it's mindless touches. Harry starts to sob again, curling in on himself as he thinks of everything that has happened to him in the last few days.

What have I done? He thinks of the footage of him sinking the injector into Gemma all those months ago. What have I done? He thinks of how her body convulsed in the vehicle, how her mouth was opened around silent screams before her eyes closed and her body was forever suspended in time in a state of death. I'm a monster. His mind flashes back to when Simon took him to see Gemma's dead body. He remembers how she looked so delicate, so pale, so unlike the lively Gemma that he killed. I killed Gemma.

"That's impossible, Harry." Louis says gently. "You couldn't have possibly.. killed Gemma."

"I saw it," Harry screams, voice thick with tears. "I remember it. They told me to inject her and I did and now she's dead."

"What're you talking about? When did you inject Gemma? Have they been holding her captive the whole time?" Zayn's hands drop from Harry's shoulders. "I'm sorry but none of this making sense. You couldn't have killed Gemma, you love her more than we did."

"Haz, let's take a deep breath, yeah? The Movement has been starving and beating you, which means that you're extremely susceptible to brainwashing. They could've tricked you into believing that you killed Gemma, love." Louis says calmly.

"I did," he yells. "I know that I killed her. When I was in training they sent me into this huge machine called the Mod X that made me travel back in time. I was one of the Superiors that stole Gem and they told me to inject her with something and I did. I killed her and then Simon showed me her body."

Zayn looks at Louis, "Can they do that? Does The Movement have tech that can send people through time? Do you know about a Mod X?"

Louis shakes his head, his hand starting to rub soothing circles against Harry's scalp once again.

"We had a machine, but it's still in beta. I've never heard of a Mod X, the only possibility would be if my father made one." Louis' voice takes on a softer edge. "Harry, are you sure you saw Gemma's body?"

"I saw her, he told me to touch her but I couldn't. She was my life," Harry cries. "She was supposed to live. Gemma's the one that should be alive, not me. I'm a monster."