Greegs & Ladders

Chapter 34

                                                         CHAPTER 34

                                                             The Trial

 

It’s true.

Reg, my former carnival Greeg-keeper, was now an official first-rank judge for the Kroonum Courts of Law.  I suppose that’s justice.  Or not.

Reg was still very much a scary goblin-like creature with fangs and claws and red eyes, yet in recent years he had somehow succeeded in making himself far more frightening.  I think it had something to do with the black hooded robe he wore whilst perched atop a throne made from the skeletal fragments of the convicted.  He was the embodiment of fear, so much so that hundreds of film scripts were being pitched to Reg on a daily basis, all of which requesting he fill the inimitable role of the Grim Reaper.  Thinking himself too short for the role, Reg had yet to reply to any of the filmmakers. 

He was also worried his carpel-tunnel syndrome would prevent him from being able to hold the heavy scythe prop during tedious hours of re-shoots,as there were sure to be requests for many unneeded hours of re-shoots made by the group of perfectionist auteur student filmmakers busy competing for the honor of directing Reg's first Vehicle Movie. Reg was unaware that height is now a minor inconvenience solved by the art of trick-photography, and that his scythe prop would be made of feather-lite styro-foam.

Reg eventually accepted his calling as an actor. He would go on to star in countless blockbusters. Only he wasn't acting. He played himself in every film. All he did was show up on set and improvise some of his characteristic creepiness. Nowadays his name frequently tops the charts of magazine polls concerning topics like “the scariest movie villain of all time and space” and “the #1 cause for sleep deprivation amongst children.”      

This all happens, of course, in another dimension where Reg is not dead by the end of this novel.

Reg had only earned the status of a Kroonum judge because of the illegal wrangling and bribery performed by the Algreenian Fog-Specters.

The Specters did not want Reg to become a film star, so they filled his mind with all sorts of ideas to cause low self-esteem.  For the success of the Specter's revenge plot it was imperative that Reg stay in the courtroom.  Algreenian Fog-Specters (or anyone else that is dead) are unable to perform tasks on a physical level, hence the reason they didn’t just kill Rip, Wilx and I and call it a day.  They are, however, adept at using their mental prowess to influence the actions of the living.  The Specters ensured our judge was someone who personally hated us, so that we would be sentenced with the most brutal of verdicts regardless of the evidence.  Reg had been promised several million dollars worth of invisible money that he would never see, literally or figuratively.

It is good that Specters cannot personally harm anyone.  Many specters are dangerously angry about being dead.  They cannot control their jealousy towards the living. Their scene usually degenerates into a violent revenge plot.  Reg was now in control of our fate.  Each unappealing scenario seemed to cancel out the last.

“I said you probably want your Greeg back now don’t you?”  repeated Rip.

“No,” said Reg from his skeletal perch.  “I have hundreds of Greegs locked up in the chambers.  That doesn’t mean I feel any less angry for being ripped off.”

“But this Greeg is intelligent,” said Rip.

“And immortal!”  added Wilx.

Reg was thoroughly against the idea of an immortal greeg.  “Who wants an immortal Greeg?  My favorite part of Greeg-keeping is watching them drop dead from the slightest of parasitic infections.  And besides, once he's intelligent doesn't he cease to be a Greeg?”