Being Bong

Horrible Tips

Horrible Tips: How not to deal with Parents and relatives and guests and annoying people.

Never use sarcasm. They won’t get it and you will end up getting scolded for not being serious.

Eg. You are shopping with your mom, and while examining a piece of clothe your mom asks herself “Is the material any good.” You are really bored as it’s the 908th dress your mom is looking at so you reply “No, it’s extremely poor. You can’t wear it more than one time.”

Your mom doesn’t note the sarcastic tone. And everyone at the mall starts staring at you when your mom is yelling at you publicly “What are you saying? It’s so expensive! Why do you need a different clothe for everyday? Why can’t you wear it more than once?”

And when you tell her you weren’t serious, she gives you another round of yelling.

Don’t watch English Channel in front of them. For some reason, some parents/adults and many children I’ve come across think that English channels are porn equivalent. But most of the parents know that it’s not the case.

When you have guests in your house and you are watching tv, and you happen tobe one of those persons who prefers to watch English channels over hindi soaps, I doubt if they let you watch tv in peace. And I don’t think it’s limited here.

They will give you dirty looks and even talk to your parents saying that you are getting spoiled. When they watch serials of their choice, where the climax is . . you have to believe me when I say it . . the mother in law hates the girl her boy has married, but she doesn’t want to say it to their face. So to make sure the girl is humiliated the mother in law decides to . . wait for it . . make the girl wear saaree.  

And the climax was the girl doesn’t know how to wear a saaree even though the girl was already wearing a saaree. And it’s a hindi soap. And when they tell you to watch something educative like a historical thriller, you will find a bunch of mistakes on them. Some of them were really good though.

But coming back to the point, sometimes when you decide to make your parents watch your favorite English sit com and show them how it’s not all about sex and stuff, most probably the episode they are going to air that day, will have two people lying under the sheets in the starting scene. You don’t need to be Sheldon Cooper to figure out what I’m talking about.

If you want to avoid free lectures, avoid the guests who are staying over. Everyone loves to give free advice and annoying guests are no exception. Apparently they care much more about your parents than you do. And they love to point out that you are the black sheep in the family or whatever the phrase is.

 Even if your parents are proud of you and the person you have become, those annoying guests will lecture you how it was not your talent and hard work but your luck that you are doing whatever you are doing today.

They make you listen to their life stories, even if you haven’t asked for it.

While on the internet keep Google/wikipedia open in another tab. The annoying guests enjoy invading your personal space and do watch over you like a hawk. Even if you are in a vacation after your annual exams are over, they will ask you to study.

Whatever you have typed into google they will read it out loud. They won’t leave you alone even when you want to strangle them or just kill yourself. And the worst part is I’m not talking about small children or people of your age group. I’m talking about aunties/uncles.

Some uncle and aunties are really cool and fun to chat with. They encourage and motivate you. They keep up with time and help you and everything. But the ones I’m talking about are really annoying.

They won’t keep up with time. They think they are right and everyone else is wrong. They are superstitious. They are suspicious and try to brainwash your parents as well. They have their own stupid, illogical and not scientifically backed up theory about everything.

Some of their theories might be:

If a lizard makes the sound tik tik tik after you said something, it means you are speaking the truth.

Reason: There was once a Princess called Khona who was great with astrology and stuff and after looking at the stars and all whatever she predicted came true. After her marriage her in-laws cut off her tongue and a lizard ate it. It’s based on a myth and I have no idea if the incidents are true or not.

I don’t think you want more examples, but some of them also think sati was logical.

Thankfully they are rare but the world would be better without people like them in it.

A/n: Sorry I started it in one note and suddenly it took another turn. And sorry for the lizard info if that's violent. I'm running out of topics so suggest me some :p