Once she shared a meal with this man. Hell, she's shared many meals with him but this one was different. This was..special. She remembers the glow the tea lights casted on his skin and how evident the blue in his eyes were when she asked him a simple question, how sincere, innocent. How comfortable yet uncomfortable he was with it just being them two. The question wasn't earth shattering, it wasn't anything. But it was.
The man doesn't say anything, but he looks at her. He just looks at her and in that moment it all came together like a puzzle. The pieces fitting together and creating a larger picture.
"Oh." She says. It never went on much further than that, they just sat in comfortable silence. Enjoying each others presence instead of coexisting, sharing the same space.
-----
Once she killed a demon in the thick woods, only the spruces and man near enough to witness the horror she had just committed. She killed a demon disguised as an angel, disguised as something of light. She had a reason to dirty her hands, to soak her clothing and hair in the dark, crimson colored substance. This demon, this monster was trying to hurt the man, trying to take his life and their belongings. It killed her inside to plunge her knife into something that was living. And the sounds and sights this judas had made were burned into her memory, playing over and over when she slept at night. But the man was there, and so was she. The judas was gone and they were safe, and so she fell asleep.
She fell asleep and dreamt of dark places; beautiful creatures with molten green eyes burning deep into her soul.
------
There were many more demons and judas' after the first. She's killed as gracefully and thoughtlessly as she'd hold a crying infant in her arms, rocking the child in hopes that it would go back to sleep. She's quick, plunging her knife in and out faster than their slow minds could comprehend. Again, she was covered in this substance. This substance in which smelled of copper, sage and decay. She didn't mind though, she just grabbed the medicine and made her way back to him. Back to the man she'd mindlessly curl herself around at night, wrapping her delicate arms around his waist and kissing the cracks on his back.
----
Once in the howling woods, she pinned the man between her legs, beneath her heart, and then underneath the stars where she set him aflame. Where she'd kiss his lips and he'd hold her as if his grip on her depicted her fate. As if he were to let go she'd disappear. The air would be filled with the sound of their pleasure, of their love. They never said that word though, they never had to.
("Do you believe in love?." She asks, tracing invisible circles on his chest. The man laughs and says softly,
"It's my most elaborate form of self harm." )
-----
Once she was taken away from the man. She was taken away in a car to a bad place with bad people where she had to do some equally bad things. She killed a man, not intentionally of course. Yet another judas had betrayed her, made her look foolish yet made her so aware of his games and tricks. She was smart, so smart. She knows what to do and exactly to do it. Although she didn't show that of course, she didn't show that she knew exactly where to cut for them to bleed out and die within minutes. She'd walk through the halls with a halo, clipped wings and a smile that could melt hearts because that's what she was, a fallen angel. An angel with big fluffy white wings that were stained red and missing feathers due to the weight of the world sitting on her back.
Her strength never falters though, never. She doesn't let it come to that point.
----
Once she had a choice. She had a choice whether she wanted to live or if she wanted die and it's rather fitting that she's face-to-face with death once more given the same two choices; keep fighting and live or give up the fight and die. She's tired, oh she's so tired and a part of her doesn't want to fight anymore.
("Please don't go, please bethy. I just-I just got you back.")
Her heart beats faster, pumping the blood from her heart and into the rest of her body. She'd be a fool to pick dying after hearing him weep. That's something he's only done once or twice around her and it was never because of her of course. But even in her catatonic state, she could hear his heart breaking in his voice. She could feel the cracks spreading throughout the whole thing from the tears falling into her face, his tears. She wanted to live, she still wants to live.
-----
Once she thought she wouldn't make it.
It was only a thought, only for the slightest moment. But when she opened her eyes, she saw those beautiful blue orbs staring back at her. The orbs that she's stared into bearing so much emotion. Depending on the moment, the orbs that stared right back at her bearing about the same amount of anger, lust, happiness and admiration she felt.
Once she thought she was going to die, but she remembered she wasn't going down so easily. Not without a fight.
Once there was a girl, and she was everything.
