Tonight's Firsts and Lasts (BoyxBoy)

What Once Was Now What Once Were

Tonight there wasn't a sock on the door knob, which usually meant three things: tonight I could actually get some sleep in my bed, he wasn't in there banging some poor unsuspecting girl that actually thought they were an item, and he wasn't there.

All those three things also equated to something else; hopelessness.

Standing there, I couldn't seem to bring myself to open the door to our dorm room, because somewhere deep down inside, I was hopelessly hoping that he'd actually be on the other side of this door for once, taking away the lonesome night.

I've come to learn a long time ago that stupid little wishful thinkings like this only hurt, and so every night I walked up to this door, I took a deep breath and pushed it all away, trying to be practical...trying to be realistic.

Things weren't quite going like that this time.

Instead, I found myself dropping my bag to the floor, sliding down beside the door with my back to the wall.

Sitting there with my knees tucked to my chest, and my arms wrapped around my legs, I closed my eyes and swallowed down the lump of emotions that lodged itself in my throat.

Things won't be like this forever... I tried to console myself. Graduation is just a couple of months away. We'll part our separate ways, and go on to live our different lives. I'll tell you that I'll stay in touch, but forget your number. Life will get better from there, it will. I have to believe that it will...

Taking a deep breath, I gathered my thoughts and stood myself up, ready to spend the night alone for the billionth time.

Grabbing my bag off the floor, I reached out to open the door, only to find that the door swung open without my effort.

Abraham stood there, all dressed and cleaned up, as if he hadn't even started his night out yet.

I was utterly shocked to see that he was still in for once, but by the looks of it, it didn't seem like he was going to stay for long.

Stepping aside, he held the door wide open for me with this troubled look on his face.

"...What's wrong?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him, cautiously walking past him to get into the room.

He didn't say a word. He simply closed the door behind us and plopped himself on his bed.

Sitting there across from me, he leaned over, resting his elbows on his knees.

"...What?" I asked, completely uncomfortable at this point.

"...When were you ever going to tell me that you like me?" He asked, his Australian accent really ringing with a tone of disappointment.

...Wait, how the hell would you know that? I thought, tilting my head to the side as I glared at him.

"...What are you talking about?" I asked nonchalantly, pretending I had no idea what he was going on about.

"Oh, so now you're a liar huh?" He said, angrily throwing this hard object at me.

Searching for whatever the hell it was, my heart sank once I got it in my hands.

"...You had no right." I muttered, almost crushing the journal I started back in ninth grade under my grip.

"Since tenth grade Will? You've kept this from me since tenth grade of high school? Really?" He said, running his fingers through his curly black hair in frustration. "We're seniors in college now! That's seven years! Seven fucking years!"

"...What's your point?" I asked, trying to keep my emotions from surfacing.

"...What's my point?" He fumed, scowling at me. "You're my best friend! That's my point! We tell each other everything! Or at least I've told you everything. And now I find out that you keep a journal, with a whole bunch of shit you've kept from me?"