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WHY I WANT TO DO THIS

PROLOGUE||WHY I WANT TO DO THIS

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Hi, my name is Kenzie. Mackenzie Millers, if you will. Mackenzie Nina Millers, to be precise. Yes, my initials spell MNM and yes it's been tossed around as a joke a lot of times. I don't mind. I'm that girl who loves history and English. And you are the guy I have liked for the past three years.

I don't think you know me. Or, wait you do. I know you do. Our school is small, and there are a few of us juniors here. Next year we'll be seniors. And if you don't mind, I'd like to get over you before senior year. For the full experience, or whatever. 

The main point is that I want to get over you. 

I don't want to waste my life pining-no that's disgusting-liking a boy for how many years, just to have him never look at me. Or look at me only when we're partners or when he needs to copy my assignment. I am so done with it. I don't need that kind of treatment.

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Just to clear things up, I don't blame you. I don't blame you for liking certain types of girls that really do not include me (read: cool, popular, bright and laughing). I certainly don't blame you for not noticing me- that was all my fault maybe.

I don't blame me either. I don't blame anyone, or anything. It just is. You have your own orbit, I have mine, and it was foolish (and crazy) to think that we would somehow cross paths, that gravity would link us both together.

I am not a comet, you are not a star, and we are neither planets nor asteroids. We are humans, we are people, we have our own lives and friends and crushes and personalities and likes and dislikes.

It was useless to ever think differently.

So now that I realize the futility of my crush, I would sincerely like to thank you for giving me the courage to do this. This was your idea, really, and I just took the initiative and did this. The moment you told our Homeroom class that the quickest way to get over someone was to, and I quote, 'follow that book with the Asian girl in the cover, the one where she wrote a letter to every boy she ever loved.' 

I've read that book, and I was slightly surprised that you knew about it. You never wanted to be associated with anything like that, and I guess you just took me by surprise.  

Anyways, back to the subject. I'm writing this to get over you. I think this is my symbolic first step to moving on, and I honestly hope pouring my feelings out into these pieces of paper will help me. I am strong enough to do this, but I hope I'm strong enough to want to let go.

Just like Lara Jean, you won't ever see these letters. I hope my little brother doesn't mess with this, like Kitty did. I don't think he will, though. Andrew is a sweet little kid. Still, I hope Mom doesn't see this. Or Dad. Because here I will pour out everything that I have ever felt for the last three years. 

I'll limit myself to ten reasons why we never happened, and a situation to show it. 

I guess we'll find out how effective this will prove to be.

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