I can't believe some of the stupid things i fall for. Is my love that vulnerable that i turn imediatlely gullable once a guy is in my presence he is deminished wit infinite lies that are at an uncontrollable constant speed. There mind just becomes blank, and then filled with all the curiosity of how to make this low self esteem woman, even more crushed and unwilling than she already is. I have yet to find someone who actually meets my standards of hieght and emotions. Being a woman, yes im caling my 18-year old self a woman, i am actually 5'10''. And weight and a thickness of 177 lbs, well im just guessing my weight. Size B cup, not much but not less, I do believe my butt has some junk in it, but i do believe the junk could be tightened.... alot. Lips are cute a plump. Narrowed eyes that look better in eyeliner, Long leges that are have size 11 thighs, a skinny wrist but a chunky bicep for some reason. A gut that won't go away, and a size 9 1/2 in shoes. That pretty much describes my outter apperance, and probably is not your average girl that you'll run up to and "holla" don't worry, you ca agree, I'm not offended because i know this. I've had the hardest time accepting my apperance, let alone guys who actually like me? I mean really me? My best friend, denetress Scott swears that my bosdy fits in the category of "thick". Personaly i feel chunky, and thick in all the wrong places, excluding my butts, tits, and some of my thighs, a size 9 would be better. My definition of Thick is: Small waist, great butt, a size C and above tits, and nice legs, no cellulite (like me). This does not describe me at all. Denetress is not thick, however she has volumtiouse (no homo) boobies, and is skinny. That's all you reall need now a days. No stomach and boobs. So I'm guessing if i just do a million sit ups and get breast implants i'll be good to go right? Hmm,i don't know. I want my prince charming to like me as i am, not as some fake barbie. So i did meet someone, who unfortunately is leaving tomorrow to go to Jacksonville University where he will be playing football on his full ride football scholarship. Umm we went back to talkn, after not talking for a month, and then before that having a "fake" relationship on facebook, that I though was real, because he kept calling me girlfriend, then told me he didnt wanna talk to me anymore, than before that, started this stupid drama between me and his ex -girlfriend just because i was dancing with him at prom, mind you that there were about 10 other girls who also danced with him, and she decides to get mad at me.Really? Supposely she got mad because me and Kevin, that's the guy, use to talk, and I still don;'t know how she knows this, and that i disrespected her by dancing with him infront of her face. FIRST OF ALL! Kevin asked me to dance with him, not me. SECOND when we got to the dnce floor i saw gina, that's the girl, and started to walk away, Kevin said no we're still dancing, i told him no go dance with your date (yes he took his ex to prom they were nt dating when they were at prom) he says no, and tells gina no when she asks to dance with him. She tells me go ahead and dance with him, she insures me that its fine, and im like are you sure, and she says yes, and grabs another guy and starts dancing with him. So i dance with Kevin, which worked up feelings with him, and caused him to come back to me again, and i accepted it. But for some reson when i eanna talk again, i get turned down because aappareantly im not important, and feelings really don't matter to him. So this past saturday i took my best friend, Denetress to disney, and since Tresner bailed out on going, i invited Kev to tag along. We had fun, and it was hot as heck, but it was still fun. He was a bit all over denetress and i'll admit i got jealous because the night before he told me he was gonna be all "lovey dovey" on me so i"m expecting him, to hold my hand and kiss me and stuff, but none of that. And he was constantly pcking on someone, including me, i tried the silent treatment on him, but it didnt do much. At the end of the day a slow song came on and it was singing about moving on, (how irionic) and I'm thinking this is the perfect time for us to say our goodbyes and kiss because he said i was always his boo, and im his baby, so we have a thing going on, but he doesnt do anything, and we end up leaving early because im grandma had to do something and doesn't like picking people up from disney late. So the next day i ask him did he enjoy himself he say yes.... thats all he says. I ask are you sure, he says yes.. that's it. I ask him is everything ok, he ignores me, he acts al different now, then gets mad when i ask him what are we, then he says we're just friends. the next day i ask what happend to you saying "i'll always be your boo" he grts mad again and says he packing and that nothing has changed,nigguh you just told me yesterday we're just friends, and now you're saying that nothing has changed? this is too much, then he says i'm too emotional, he hasgot me this way. One minute youi want me, the next you dont, one minute im friend, the next im baby, boo. ugh just shut up and leave me alone!!!!!!! So i decided to let him go. On th other hand i have Hector on my rebound, and he supposely still can;t get over me, and i think he's lying his butt off. He was in fact in love with his ex Octavia, and she was supposely "prego" but then turns out she was lying she just couldnt stand the fact that hector liked me. So i take hector back and start going out with him, the next day at the end of graduation, i see him and her making out right in front of me! Best way to end the most important day of my life. I went off on him thru txt and left him alone. I havent seen him since then, but ive tooken him back on and off over the summer and had this sort of long distance relationship. Im only still texting him because I'm lonely because of kevin, and i honestly don;t wanna be with Hector, i'm a tad taller than him and that don't fly in my book. Kevin is 6'3-6'5'' something and that was great. But unfortunately hes too much of an emotional rollercoaster for me and I'm officailly done wit him, and all the mess he's putting in my life.
Sooo i'm trying to get into valencia but haven't heard from them since last week. Prayerfully i can get this fafsa and my mom can pull up her tax records and shaneka helps me with this fasa and i get everything i need to get this education. So that's my life so far.. and sadly its only the begining of an 18-year old's life.
