Things I'll Never Say

One, Big, Happy Family

He was always happy when we had company over. Anyone could tell just by looking into those deep, blue eyes of his that he couldn't be any happier than when he was surrounded by people. I think that's one of the first things I fell in love with when I met him. He just always knew how to please people and put smiles on their faces. And when someone else smiled, he did too.

But, it was all just one big mask for the feelings that were kept underneath. I knew, behind all the charm and joy lay deep seated hatred and contempt. It would bottle up inside him, and then suddenly unleash when all were gone and the house was cleared with doors and windows closed. It was then that the monster I had come to know would come out; and no one was there to hear my screams.

"Hey, hun, could you fill me up some of that lemonade you made? Demi?"

I caught myself gazing off and immediately turned my head to Mike. Everyone at the table seemed to have turned their attention to us, waiting for an answer. "Oh, yeah, of course," I said with a smile, getting up from my seat and walking over to him to take his glass.

"Thanks, babe," he smiled, pecking my cheek.

I made a weak smile and grabbed his glass, relieved to take a momentary break from all of his snotty friends by taking a trip to the kitchen. All they ever seemed to talk about was business and all their expensive vacations and how great they were and how pathetic everyone who wasn't one of them was; and these same old conversations got old. I guess that's why I had the tendency to zone out and forget the world around me. Or, maybe it was a defense mechanism, better yet, a combination of the two. Sometimes, it took everything I had within me not to make a comment about how shallow they really were. I think the only thing that was really stopping me was fear, the fear of the punishment that would come once they left.

Fear was the only thing keeping me back from escaping and moving on. It was like a heavy chain weighing me down, and it felt like everyone around me were just spectators, having a good time watching it all unfold.

I went to the fridge and started filling up the glass of lemonade for Mike. Just next to our fridge was a window, which I caught myself gazing out of. In our neighbor's yard I could see the kids playing, two boys and a girl, all of the elementary school age. They were running around, squirting each other with the hose, getting soaked in their swimsuits. Squealing and laughing, they all seemed to be so free, having fun. It was then that I realized I was jealous of children.

My thoughts were interrupted by the overflow of lemonade on my hands. "Crap!" I muttered to myself, turning off the tap and placing the glass down.

"Demi! What's taking you so long?" Mike hollered from the other room.

I picked up a towel from the island and bent down to start cleaning the mess I had made from the spill. "Just tidying up a little. I'll be over in a minute," I called out to him.

Folding the towel and placing it on the counter, I shut the refrigerator door and walked back into the dining room with the glass of lemonade in hand. "Here you go, hun," I smiled, handing Mike the glass.

A smile grew on his face as he took it, saying,"Thank you so much. It looks delicious." His arms opened up and he patted his lap, looking at me and then looking back down at himself,"C'mere, babe."

I faked a smile back at him, using one hand to hold down the back of my dress as I gently took a seat on his lap. Immediately, I felt his hand slowly slide down the back of my dress until his hand landed at my hip, and he took in a deep breath by my neck, whispering,"Get it together. You haven't said a thing all night," so that only I could hear him.

"So, Demi, what do you do for a living?" one of the wives asked. She had platinum blonde hair, clearly done up with a curling iron, with skin so unnaturally tan that she must've taken a trip to the tanning salon. Her lips were puckered out so raunchy, just like her bust, that I became almost positive there wasn't any inch of her body that was natural. She might as well slap a sticker on her forehead that says 'artificially made' and quit acting like she just popped into this world as a natural beaut.