Oh My Gawsh The Bad Boy <3's Me And Also Claimed Me Like Wow

Tale as Old as Thyme

A few weeks later, I was standing near a cliff and staring directly into the sun. I was trying to make myself blind because I was sick of looking at Tristan's stupid ugly face. It wasn't working so I gave up and had my ghost army gather around me. 

"Guys, listen. There's...something I have to tell you all," I stated as if I were a terrible actor, which I am. "I have decided to become a werewolf." There was a collective gasp from the crowd [insert hysterical and totally not overused and annoying Twilight joke here] and they all began to protest. I turned around really fast and my purse flew out and a framed picture of Kevin Weinberg-also known as Parogar- fell out. Tristan sobbed ghostly tears. "You've been cheating on me!?" he demanded demandingly. "Yes! Well, no, because we're not actually together, Tristan, you completely delusional East Balgonian TRASH. But I have been seeing someone, and it's not that guy. Okay, let me back up again and explain. The framed photo you're looking at is of a man, but not just any man, a hero. It is because of this man that our story exists." I paused for dramatic effect, "For you see, not too long ago, this hero, this, Parogar, issued a challenge to the Wattpad community, to make a bunch of stupid stories mocking the contents of the website. It worked. This story was made by one of his many fans. Then it backfired. The stories got banned, then Parogar got banned, and vanished from Wattpad, never to be seen again." I finished my explanation, and was greeted by a standing ovation. "Also, Tristan, I totally hate you and I have from day one. I'm a Demisexual Lesbian and have zero time or tolerance for your desperate bullsh!t." Tristan became so sad from this rejection that his face melted off. Out of nowhere a girl appeared. "Hello, my name is Hellvetica DeMaria Alvrosa and you and I are tied by the red string of Fate. Come, " Hell extended a hand to me, "I have a demon army. You have a ghost army. Let us unite and become a power couple, and rule the world!" Together we laughed manically, hopped on Tristan's motorcycle, and rode off into the moonlight, singing High School Musical songs all the way to our new castle where we had hardcore s*x but only after I developed emotional attraction to her because I'm Demisexual. Also I became a werewolf. To be continued...?