Dust

Twenty-Nine: Old Beginnings

A/N: THIS IS IT YOU GUYS!

I think that at some point, I must've fallen asleep, because the next thing I realize is that Titus is shaking me awake. His hands are rough but steady, a change from earlier today. I turn in my seat to look over at him. His hair is tousled and filthy, and there's dried blood underneath his fingernails from literally holding his side together. There's a bandage around it now, leaving me to hope he ends up okay.

"Hey. We're stopping for the night," he tells me, his eyes a little less vacant than earlier, but no less sad. Grief washes over me like a tidal wave, and the sickening feeling in my stomach returns with little to no regard for my sanity.

I run my shaky fingers through my tousled hair, and realize with some chagrin that I'm still covered in blood and soot from our escape. I don't smell so nice, either. Joy.

With a quick glance over at Mikhail, I realize he doesn't fair much better than I. His blond hair is still tinted by dust and ash, but he gives me a smile anyway. I don't know if he expects me to still fall for him or if he's okay with just being friends. I hope it's option two.

I stand with a half-hearted stretch and walk on aching feet to the bunks in the back, and find to an odd mix of happiness and sadness that Callista's awake. My stomach drops, and I consider sleeping in the from of the bus, but it's too late. I've been spotted.

She sees me approaching and pats the spot next to her on the bunk, and I let out a mirthless laugh before cramming myself into the already tiny bed next to her. By the time we manage to both stretch ourselves out on her bunk, we're both laughing a little at the uncomfortableness of the whole situation. She's quiet afterwards for a bit, leaving me to hope she won't ask me to tell her stories, but no such luck.

"Titus told me everything," she says, and I bite my lip as I glance over at her. I don't even have to say a word, merely raising my eyebrows, before she catches the meaning behind my glance.

Is he mad?

She shakes her head once and pulls me closer to her, and I cling to my best friend like she's my lifeline, crying into her shoulder until I can't cry anymore. I'm done fighting this. I'm not strong enough. I never was. There are memories that rush through my head, of the first time I told her about my parents crying. The first time she and Felix got in a fight. Crying over stupid school final exams. Memories of my childhood.

Silence lulls after I finish my pitiful sobbing, and we both sit there without a word exchanged between us.

"What was she like?" she asks me a few minutes later, after my pathetic sniffling has reduced to nearly nothing.

Images flash through my head, of not-Thea's silvery dead eyes glaring at Titus in hatred.

"It wasn't her anymore. She was... a monster," I tell her, and I hear her suck in a quick breath.

"Did she... did she remember you guys at all?" she asks me, her voice wavering slightly as she speaks. I release a heavy sigh.

"Thea remembered. That... thing... she didn't care, even if she knew," I say, and Callie fiddles with the ring around her finger. I can still remember the day that Felix and I pooled together our money to buy her the silver band for her fourteenth birthday.

"Felix?" is all she can manage to get out, her voice shaky and quiet. My throat tightens. I didn't want to have to think about this.

"I don't know," I tell her, and she gives me one quick nod.

"I don't think he'd be there, though. The city was too far for him to randomly join up with a different group," I say, trying to get myself to believe in it, too.