Shattered: Shelly's Struggles - All We Are Series

Chapter Two

Lia's POV

I sighed when I caught myself absentmindedly rubbing my stomach.

"Lia, get a grip," I scolded myself out loud.

The house was empty and quiet. I needed to get out of the house; it was depressing me. But what would I do? I couldn't go back to the new mothers support groups.

I felt a pang go through my heart. I couldn't even think about being a mother without wanting to cry. I knew it was normal to cry. But I had been sobbing my heart out so frequently that I feared that I would create a storm that would never end.

Jack, the ever patient man, has been working day in and out. I knew he was coping in his own way, but we never talked about what happened.

Miscarriage.

No one wants to talk about it. Anaya had been good with grieving with me through Skype in the beginning, but now that it had been a few months, she didn't understand any more. She kept trying to get me to get out of the house, and I guess I might need to, but she didn't get it. She hasn't felt that loss, the loss of a child. It was even worse for me because I kept thinking about the "could have been"s. I knew I needed to stop, but I couldn't.

I only had my precious baby for five months. Just long enough to know my initial guess of a boy was wrong. She would have been beautiful. We had announced it to close friends and relatives. Thankfully we hadn't told my extended family yet, or else I fear I'd never be able to deal with the loss.

It's so much worse when people don't stop asking questions.

Anaya means the best. She tries to get me to move on. But Jack and I, we've been trying for a long time. I was falling into depression before because I couldn't get pregnant. And now? The one thing I'd give my life for has now slipped out of my grasp.

Maybe I'm being a little melodramatic. I know Anaya used to always joke about how over-the-top and upbeat I am.

Or, who I used to be. I haven't been that person in a while.

And Anaya means well, but she is far away, and she can't comfort me like a good friend would. But, I haven't made many friends here. I was getting along nicely with my support group, but now this.

Miscarriage.

How can the world be so cruel? What did I do to deserve this? I've always been a good Christian woman. I go to church every Sunday and treat everyone with respect and love. Is this my punishment for something I've forgotten that I did? Something I forgot to confess and absolve?

I do not believe I did anything to deserve this, and God would never punish a devout follower, so I must conclude this is the work of the devil. I don't know why, though, the devil has chosen me to test God's will and my faith.

But my faith and trust in God is strong, and so I will be strong.

"Baby, I'm home!" Jack called out as he walked through the front door.

"In here," I spoke back. I heard rustling and pictured Jack taking off his jacket and shoes.

"Hey," he said as he gave me a quick hug. He sat down next to me on the living room sofa. "What do you want for dinner?"

I shrugged. "Whatever you want is fine."

Jack pursed his lips and sighed. "I'll make some pasta or something."

He rose and walked into the kitchen, banging some pots and pans louder than necessary.

I thought to myself, 'Sheila, why are you always causing pain?'

Picture above: Sheila Kelly Evans