The Wordless Symphony {Andy Biersack}

11 - Rebel Love Song

    It was months later, seemingly millennia since I had seen Andy in the hospital.  He hadn’t returned after Terra had sent him running a few days after they released him from his bed rest.  She had told him to go, to leave me alone or she would poke each of his shattered ribs until he screamed in agony, begging her to stop.  I don’t think anyone would disbelieve the lioness in her true form.  When she had come back in to tell me he wouldn’t bother me anymore, it was truly bittersweet.  How could I not want him to come back and sweep me off my feet?  Oh yeah, he broke my heart so now I knew he didn’t deserve it right?  It was pathetic to even think that I should want this boy after what he had done to me.  I had better things to do with my life than to worry about him.

    But my dreams had other plans.

    I shot out of bed, skin sweaty and clammy as my eyes searched the bedroom.  Hair was plastered to my face, the nightshirt so tight around my abdomen that I was sure I had been tossing and turning incessantly.  The room was quiet other than the fan I kept running all through the darkness so that I could sleep properly.  Bullet was curled up by my legs, the brown and white pit bull stretched out fitfully.  I patted her affectionately, tail wagging as she looked up at me with confusion.  I pulled my legs up to my chest, tucking locks of my long brown hair behind my ear.  The blue had faded a long time ago, blonde disappearing with each haircut I attended.  I fiddled with the ends a bit, chewing on my lip as the dream replayed in my mind.  It wasn’t particularly disturbing, not a true nightmare but nonetheless, I could only close my eyes and allow tears to slip past my defenses.

    He had found me in the reverie.  He had come to my home, begged my forgiveness and kissed me like I had never been kissed before. 

    Somehow the idea of him finding me made me want to fall apart right then and there.  Feeling his touch, his hands on my face, my waist, my hips, my thighs, my chest…it was like he had been there in truth instead of fiction.  I reached up and ran my fingers over my cheeks, the sensation running through to my core.  I wanted to go back to sleep, keep dreaming the one thing in the world that I could think of as right.  Every portion of my body was screaming at me that I shouldn’t have run away from him nearly seven months ago in the hospital.  I should’ve stayed, should’ve let him apologize the way I wanted him to.  He obviously had wanted to do it.  Tore me apart to think that I just ran away as fast as I could.

    And I didn’t even look back.

    I sighed and laid back down, the pillow forming around my head lovingly.  My hair flamed out behind me, the soft texture easily brushed through by my fingers.  Eyes were tired but I could not sleep, body exhausted but unable to rest.  I had tried everything for the past few nights to get some siesta but nothing worked.  Bullet whined and then sat up, licking my chin lovingly.

    “I know girl,” I uttered as I pet her, rubbing her neck gently, “I know baby girl.  I’m not sleeping and it’s Andy’s fault huh?”  She wagged her tail and nipped my nose, causing my to giggle aloud.  “Good girl, good girl.”

    She nuzzled up next to me after a few moments, her head on my legs as she seemed to smile up at me.  I glanced over at my phone, illuminating the screen and finding it was five o’clock already.  I grumbled and just decided to stay awake because there was no point in going back to sleep.  I slid my legs out from under the blankets, feet stepping out onto the cool carpet floors.  The paintings I had created and hung looked down on me, seeming to mock my sleeplessness.  I stretched out my arms and cracked my neck, eyes full of exhaustion and lack of rest.  Bullet rolled over, her legs sticking straight into the air while she made herself comfortable in the warmth of the spot I was once in.  she grumbled happily and then sighed, making me laugh aloud.