Without You I'll Be Miserable At Best [Alex Gaskarth]

(Hayley's P.O.V.)

My life is a paradox. An enigma if you will. I wouldn't wish what I've experienced upon anyone else, but I don't complain about it happening to me. The truth is the only thing I show complete and utter apathy for in my life is life itself.

Some psychologists or know-it-alls might say this feeling is because of my parents and how they (barely) raised me. There wasn't much love, nor much attention. They left me most weekends alone in the house once I was old enough to know how to figure out a microwave and a telephone. My dad never told me upfront that he loved me, and my mom would say it occasionally, yet I never believed her. Once I turned 13, they left me with my mom's friend in Baltimore. They moved to Vegas without me to go have fun with their lives.

I've only cried twice in my life. The day I was born, and once when I was seven and I hit my head on my dresser while cleaning my room. Never have I shed a tear about my parents, because I knew they'd never change or come back for me. There was no point beating myself up about it.

I guess that's the 'paradox' of it all. I've been 'hurt', 'tossed to the curb', and 'fucked over' by the world, but I act as if it's nothing. This feeling never takes much thought, it just happens.

Here I am now, 23 years old and a working college student at Towson University. I'm still in Baltimore, living alone in an aparment. Depressing, I know.

I also have no 'signifigant other'. I never have though, because after the example of a relationship that my parents set, I didn't feel like turning into an asshole and 'falling in love'.

I'm apathetic, sarcastic, cold, and 'miserable' at best.

I guess the world will have to deal with it.