Stevie closed her eyes at the thought of getting in the car. Of course, she wanted to go, but it could be the most painful thing she'd ever done. She wanted to be there with all her heart, but she'd be lying if she said that she wasn't scared as hell. She didn't want to end up breaking down, and not be able to return. That wouldn't help anyone.
"Steph?"
She dragged herself out of her thoughts, and her worries, and looked up to see her husband looking down at her. His eyes were calm, like a silent sea after a storm, and his hand reached out to take hers. She wanted to take it, but it would make everything so real. That hand had been there for her through so much. Teaching her to play guitar, placing a ring on her finger, brushing hair out of her eyes while she got tearful on stage, nearly breaking as she held on so tight when she delivered each of their five beautiful daughters, running up and down her spine in an effort to console her when each of those girls went off to school...except for one. She couldn't take his hand now. This couldn't be another big memory that would define their lives. This would pass...
"Honey, I know its tough," he said, sitting down next to her. She nodded, looking down at her hands, folded in her lap. It took everything in her not to break down right then and there. "I thought we did everything," she whispered. He pulled her in close and brushed his fingers through her hair. He'd seen this coming. In fact, they'd been having the same conversation for the past couple of days. "Stevie, we did. We have raised five very beautiful strong girls. We've steered them all in the right direction, and all of them have slipped a little."
"This wasn't a little slip, Linds," she said immediately, letting a few tears fall. He knew that. She knew that. Everyone knew that what had happened was not just a "little" problem. It was a big one, and it was real, and scary, and staring them dead in the face.
"I know. I know that, Steph, of course I do. I just...I know you feel guilty. You shouldn't though. You're the last person in the world who should feel guilty about this. Do you believe me?" She shook her head ever so slightly. "I can't. I'll never be able to forgive myself for letting this happen, even if it had nothing to do with me. I was stupid and reckless and our little girl had to pay the price."
"No. Stephanie, look at me." She did as she was told, reluctantly, and he gave her a kiss. "You had a problem about forty years ago that got out of hand. You got help for it, though. It was before we even had Sara. You having a drug problem that is older than our daughters has nothing to do with this." He knew that was a stupid thing to say. To his wife, that had everything to do with what happened. She would never stop blaming herself, no matter what.
As much as he hated to rush her along, they really had to go if they were going to get there on time. "Come on, angel. We should get going." Tentatively, she stood and took his hand as they walked towards the car. "You can do this. I know you can. For Sophie."
