Chapter 9: Little Blue Pills

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The sun slipped into the room, I could hear the birds chirping outside the window in the tree. I opened my eyes and a swarm of happiness filled my body. Derek had his arms wrapped around me and him being the deep sleeper he was I wiggled my way out of his arms and kissed him. A small smiled came across his face, maybe he wasn't such a deep sleeper as I had previously thought. I got out of bed and grabbed his hoodie off a chair and put it on. I opened up his laptop and logged into my Facebook to check again my random timeline and notifications. I didn't want to go look but I went up to the top of the page and typed in Bryan in the search box and he was the first account to show up. I clicked it and his page loaded. I don't know why I thought anything would've changed from the night before, and it hadn't. He was still in a new relationship and it sort of still bugged me, but I decided to play his game with him. I went to my edit account options and changed my relationship status from single to into a relationship with Derek. I knew if he saw that it might bug him a little, at least that was my sick point in doing it. 

I shut Dereks computer, I was wasting my time still worrying about Bryan, I had Derek why in the world would I still be worrying about Bryan. I just pushed it back to the back of my mind and became curious of something I found when I opened a the desk drawer. It was a zip-lock bag and the contents of it really made me start to worry, wonder and put things together in my head. The contents were little blue pills, they had the letters A and D on one side and the number 30 on the other side. I just kept looking at them and not fully knowing what they were I opened up Dereks computer again and pulling up Google.

I went to the search box and typed in "blue pills with A D on them" and what I feared had come up on the screen. The word just sat there on the screen and I just sat there staring at it not really sure what to think. I said it quietly out loud to myself.

"Adderall" I said, "Derek is taking Adderall"

The Adderall explained so much though, the extra energy, the odd things he had been doing like the finger twitches and me never seeing him fall asleep. The next thing I thought was how he got them, and when I did more research about the drug I found out he had been taking a really high dose for someone who did not even have ADHD which is what the drug was meant for. I had heard that it was known as the "Study drug" which a lot of students took before and during finals to stay awake and focus. I started to question, where had he gotten them? They looked like he got them from some dealer. they weren't in a bottle so he wasn't prescribed them. 

I heard Derek wake up and quickly stuffed the bag back into the desk drawer and closed the web page down and shut his computer.

"Good morning beautiful" he said with a smile on his face

"Morning babe" I responded wanting so badly to ask him about the Adderall I had just found.

"Want to go get some breakfast?" he asked

"Umm yeah sure" I said getting up, 

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We sat at the cafe and ate breakfast in silence, finally he broke up the silence.

"Are you okay?" he asked

I didn't look up at him, I stared at my food. I pushed my fruit around on my plate and let out a sigh.

"No I'm not okay Derek" I said, trying to hold back the water works.

"What is wrong, did I do something wrong? If I did please let me know I didn't mea--"

"Derek stop" I said cutting him off.

"Sorry" he said

"This morning I found something in your desk drawer... And I went and googled it and Derek, I'm worried" I told him

He just sat there in shock, I was pretty sure he knew what I had found and was thinking of what to say in response to what I had just said.

"How did you get Adderall?" I asked him

"I just bought it from this guy on my floor, it just helps me stay awake and focus and stuff, I take like half a tablet now and it gets me through the day and I don't feel as tired. he explained.

"Do you know how dumb that is Derek?" I said trying to keep my voice down, even though not many people were there.

"It' is fine babe I have it under control now, I didn't at first and that is why I was acting so funny and had those odd side effects." he continued to try and justify his use of a drug he wasn't prescribed to him.

"What happens when you test positive on a drug test?" I countered back

"I guess I'll have ADHD then" he said, pretty much seeing this as a joke now more than the serious situation that it was.

"I can't believe you Derek" I said

I didn't talk to him for the rest of the day. He gave me my space and found some other stuff to do while I sat in the room mad at him. He came back in the evening and brought me flowers.

"I'm sorry babe, I know you're worried about me and I'll stop taking the Adderall okay?" he said

"Well thanks, I know you're trying to stay up and all but you have to find other ways to do it hun. I looked at some of the really bad side effects to that drug they are really scary" I said in my worried voice.

He put the flowers down on the table and walked over to me, he grabbed me close like he always like to do. He hugged me tight and told me everything would be okay and that he wouldn't scare me again like that. I dug my face out of his chest and poked up on my toes and kissed him and smiled and finally things felt good that whole day since the moment I had woken up.

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