reclusive .

neurotic .

To say i was nervous would be a major understatement, i was very apprehensive, neurotic even. Everything seemed to be going wrong, and it was only 6:45, because god my fringe wasn't flipping right and shit what shoes match this shirt and fuck it's almost 7 and i'm half naked! I know this isn't a date, i was blowing everything out of proportion, but this was as close to a date as i'll ever get, so i want it to be perfect. Everything has to be perfect, every last little detail.

I'm here love, come on out. xx-Louis

My heartbeat speeds up and my palms start to sweat as I grab my satchel and the dry erase board before walking over to the large window, smiling fondly when I spot Louis' old car. He looks up and smiles, totally oblivious to my neuroticism. I smile back and lift the window, the wind immediately hitting me in the face as I start to climb down the spiraling stairs that lead from my room to the grass of my front yard. I sprint over to his car, silently whispering calm down Harry, it's not a date, it's not a date.

"Hello, love." Louis says as I close the door behind me, the pressure blowing my hair into my eyes. I buckle my seat belt before turning and giving him a wide smile. "Did you know you had a beautiful smile?" He asks as he backs out of my driveway, turning his upper half around to look out the back window making me blush furiously and smile down at my lap.

The car ride is silent except for the quiet buzz of the radio, the wind and the sound of other cars and the people inside of them. When we reach the restaurant I couldn't help the small smile that formed on my lips. The whole building was in the shape of a taco, and right outside was a man in a taco suit. "So as you've noticed, the theme of this date is taco's." Louis says and I smile, but wait did he just say date? So this is a date? I-

"Well c'mon curly!" Louis bellows, now standing outside my opened door. I blush and smile nervously before stepping out, pulling my beanie down further onto my head. He smiles at me before taking my hand and dragging me across the street as I try to calm my breathing.

                                                                      *

"Are you serious?!" Louis asks, smile widening. I shake my head in response, smiling when he bursts into another fit of laughter. "Wow," He sighs, swiping his thumb over the damp skin under his eyes. "That was funny." I smile fondly at him, watching the sparkle of laughter in his eyes die down, being replaced with a simple glint of happiness. I lean back in my seat as I stare into his cerulean blue eyes and his expression changes from happiness to concentration as he stares back into mine. I suddenly blush and look down at the table biting back an involuntary smile. My stomach starts to flop and my heart starts to speed up as I stare down at my empty plate.

"You uh, you want to get out of here?"

My eyes flutter up to him in surprise, and I quickly nod in response. He pulls out $40, puts it on the table, stands, pulls me up then drags me out the door. I stumble after him, my cheeks heating up at the contact as he opens my door for me before getting into the car. This car ride is exceptionally quiet, the air thick with foreign tension. He passes three stop signs in his hast, but we arrive back at my house safely. I step out the car, but before I can do anything else Louis is in front of me. I look up at him with wide eyes as I stumble backwards off the sidewalk, my butt hitting the side of the car because whoa he was close.

I stare up at him as he steps off the curb, now standing so close our chest's touch. I move back more, if that's even possible, and look down, a light blush coloring my cheeks. "I really like you, you know," Louis says, making my cheeks go from pink to red. "Which is weird seeing as I'm straight," He lets out a little chuckle. "Well at least I thought I was, maybe i'm not. But I do like you, like a lot, like so much I don't even know what to do sometimes. You're just so perfect, you know? It's kind of scary sometimes, like I just stare at you and wonder is he even real? I don't even think you know how amazing of a person you are, but I see it, and it hurts me on a very very emotional level to know that you don't see what I see, you know? I don't even know even know what i'm saying anymore, i'm just here with you right now and i'm rambling and you just look so adorable and I can't even explain how I feel, I just really want to kiss you right now, it's unbelievable how much I-"

I lean up to press my lips softly to his, eyes widening once I realize what I've just done. I pull away but stare up at him, waiting for him to yell or hit me-but that doesn't happen. He leans down, eyes never leaving mine as he kisses me again, his soft lips slightly brushing against mine. My lips part as I let out a deep breath, eyes fluttering shut as I gravitate toward his warmth. He presses his lips harder to mine, taking my bottom lip between his. I dig my nails into the door of his car, probably leaving scratch marks, trying desperately to calm my breathing, but who could blame me? This is only my second kiss, i'm nervous, cut me some slack.

"Are you ok?" Louis whispers, his cold breath fanning my lips. I shake my head and squeeze my eyes shut because I can feel that familiar clenching of my stomach and pounding of my heart but I try with all my might to hold it in. In an instant, that warmth that was holding me together is gone, and I let out a deep breath, letting my eyes open to peer at Louis' concerned face. What is my life?