Letters to My Bully

Letter 6

Hello,

These days, I feel even weaker than I did before. I couldn't sleep last night because I experienced what Psychologists call Anxiety Disorder, or panic attacks. It happens to me daily, just by a single reminder of what happened in the past, I start shaking and I feel like dying. This only happened to me because I refused to talk about it for so long, but I wish I didn't.

When I laid down to sleep, I remembered after we became friends, when you said you loved me. I would never forget that moment because I didn't know whether you were honest or not. I was walking inside the class like usual, and suddenly you yelled in front of the whole class your love to me. You said I love you, and I was shocked by this because I didn't know what to do. Then you told me to sit in front of you because your friend is sitting beside you, and I didn't know what to believe. 

Previously, when I told my friends about how nice you were, they told me that you were a famous jerk. That on April's fools you said you asked a girl on a date only to dump her the next day because it was a joke. They told me how the girl cried her eyes out, and everyone told her not to care about you. That's why when you said that in front of everyone, I didn't know whether I should believe you or not. I sat in front of you that day, and because I was very paranoid about your real intention, I sat in my front seat the next day. Your friend told me to sit with you guys, but I was too insecure to believe that you liked me. 

I'm really glad I didn't believe you. I really don't know your real intentions behind saying that, but after a rumor, you tossed me away and laughed at me with your friends. So if you really liked me, would you have done that? Because you ganged up against me with all the students in the class since they were all your friends. I don't want to talk to you about how sweet sometimes you were, but I guess I'll talk about both sides of you. 

Julie...