Trichotillomania

My Story

The earliest I can remember pulling out my hair would be around the age of 4 or 5. I would lay in bed every night and pull put some of my eyelashes before falling asleep. But I never really thought much of it. But my Trichotillomania wasn't showing until around the 7th grade. So one day I was standing at my bus stop, waiting to go to school. I noticed a split end on one of the hairs that fell in front of my face. But instead of breaking it, I just pulled the hair out. Then I thought to myself that pulling the hairs out was a good thing because they would grow back thicker and stronger than before. I would pull my hair out every day at the bus stop and it was never really a problem. I could stop when I wanted to.

Trich never became a problem until last year when I started my freshman year of high school.

The beginning of the year I would pull the hair out of the center of the top of my head. It felt really good so I would continue.
Then I started to notice a bald spot forming so I covered it with a headband and stopped pulling... for a few days. I would pull and pull and when I wasn't pulling it was all I could think about.

I mostly remember being in Spanish or history class looking down at my desk while, with both of my hands, pulling the hair out of the back of my head. It felt so good and I couldn't stop. I was looking for the clear thing at the end of the hair. I would find it and play with it then continue the search. There came times when I gave myself bald spots in the back of my head and I wouldn't notice until I felt the cold air against my bald skin. I sat in the front of the room for most of my classes (because of my eyesight) and I was always really embarrassed because I felt like everyone was staring right at my head.

Over the summer I got it under control (for the most part) but I still had the bald spots. They weren't big but they were noticeable. I would go to the grocery store and be fine until I got to the freezer section and felt the cold on my head. Then I'd get really insecure about it. By the end of July the bald spots weren't noticeable however, I had short hair in these spots and my curly hair would stick up in weird places.

Currently my hair is still short in certain areas but it isn't as bad as it was. Also lately I've been struggling with not pulling. It's like a relapse. But I have friends that help me get through the bad days.

I not ashamed of myself for this condition and love talking about it with people.

It is very important to raise awareness for trichotillomania as well as dermatillomania and other BFRB's (Body Focused Repetitive Behavior).

Questions, comments, concerns, general insecurities? Let me know.