The Boy Who Paints Me (SAMPLE OF PUBLISHED BOOK)

The Boy Who Paints Me - Chapter 3 (SAMPLE)

Chapter 3

I lay awake in my bed, staring at the ceiling, all night. It wasn’t the comfortable sleep that I had hoped for; instead, I was haunted by images of last night. Breaking down like I had last night was not something that I did. Allowing someone to see me like that seemed ludicrous but somehow I still did it. A huge part of me was embarrassed, ashamed that Leighton had seen me that way. Then there was the other part of me, the part that felt relieved, and the part that felt tired. I was tired of running, tired of hiding and tired of pretending.  When I asked Leighton to leave last night, he wasn’t supposed to listen; he wasn’t supposed to obey because that was my job. It had always been my job. They never listened to me, followed my instructions or granted my wishes. He had. I asked him to leave and he did, without hesitation. When he walked out last night, he left me feeling something that I hadn’t felt in three years: safe, completely and ridiculously safe. And I had no idea why.

I spent last night trying to understand him and more importantly trying to understand myself. I was confused because I had spent the past three years training myself not to trust another man again, yet last night, I would have allowed Leighton to wrap me up in his arms while I cried. I didn’t understand, and I couldn’t comprehend it but for some strange reason, that made absolutely no sense, I trusted him. I trusted him with me; not Rain but with Rainie. That wasn’t supposed to happen.

After finally crawling out of my bed this morning, I decided to take a long, hot shower. Half an hour later, and I was feeling pretty relaxed. The house was unusually quiet, since I was used to waking up to Aunt Sarah clattering around in the kitchen while singing to herself. After three long years, I still missed that.

What surprised me most about this morning was the fact that I had convinced myself to get dressed, so that I could speak to Leighton. And that, was where I was, stood outside of his front door with my fist hovering in the air. I was having an internal battle with myself and trying to convince myself that it wasn’t too late to turn around, and run away. What exactly are you going to say to him? Why would he listen to you now? He probably thinks that you’re crazy after last night. The voice in my head was right but I couldn’t make my feet listen, instead they planted themselves firmly on the ground, refusing to move.

“I thought that I would interrupt the ‘to knock or not to knock’ speech that was probably going on in your head,” Leighton said as he opened the door with a smile on his face.

I instantly felt my cheeks heat up as I looked up into his beautiful brown eyes. He wasn’t acting differently with me, in fact he seemed happy. I let my arm fall beside my hip as I dipped my eyes and cleared my throat. “Erm, I wanted to apologize for last night,” I replied before I could change my mind and run away. It was silent for a while, and I instantly regretted coming around here. My eyes snapped up as I heard him let out a sigh.

“Never apologize for crying, Rai. People only cry when they need to,” he replied calmly as he watched me with an unreadable expression on his face.

“I’m not weak,” the words left my mouth before I even got the chance to think it through. I wanted to defend myself but not out loud. I didn’t want to draw reference to the fact that I had made myself look weak in front of him but now I had.

“No, you’re human.”

Our gazes locked for a moment, and I so desperately wanted to know what he was thinking but I had no idea. I tried to break the moment as I fiddled inside of my jeans pocket.

“Here,” I said as I held my hand out in front of him. I watched as he looked down at my hand and then my face in confusion. “For the groceries, yesterday, this should cover it. If not then I can get some more,” I said as I held the one hundred dollar bill in front of him.