High⚣Zouis

dos

This chapter will be triggering. It will be sad. Please read at your own risk.

Warning(s): Self harm, self hate, just plain sadness.

Usually when Zayn wakes up in the morning, it isn't with him crying, tears streaming down his face, his body shaking, thoughts taunting him, encouraging him to hurt himself in someway. He hadn't felt like this in a long time, the bad thoughts usually kept away because of a blunt or one of the boys distracting him.

But he didn't want to get high while home. It made him a bad role model for his little sisters. He didn't want to be more of a fuck up than he already was.

Zayn let out a quiet sob, trying not to reach for his phone, to text one of the boys, to ask for a distraction. He knows he has a perfect one in his bathroom, hidden away in the cabinet, taped to the wall for easy access when he came home from school, when the bullies became to much.

He found himself moving to the bathroom and pausing. He didn't want to do this. He didn't need to do this. He just wanted to do this. 

Zayn shook his head,
No. Don't think about that piece of metal. Go into your room, grab your phone, and text one of the boys.

He found himself agreeing with the voice in his head, heading to his bedroom.

Zayn grabbed his phone, shakily opening and pressing liams contact.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ri-

"Hey zee."  Zayn let out a small whimper of relief, but must have sounded bad to Liam,

"What's wrong? Are they back? The urges? " Liam's voice echoed through his ear, his voice getting more urgent.

"I'm fine Li. I just need..I need a distraction." Zayn whispered, feeling his heart constrict as he heard Liam's mum call for him.

"I'm so sorry zee. God, text me. Continue to text me. I'll help you. I gotta go, mum needs me. I'll see you in couple weeks okay?" Liam rushed out, hanging up before Zayn could respond.

Not much help there.

He whimpered silently, tears building more in his eyes. Zayn tried to call Niall and Harry, but had no luck getting through to them. He really didn't want to call Louis.  He didn't want to be a bother..so..he didn't. Zayn didn't call Louis. He didn't text Liam. He didn't answer to his mum, dad, and sisters calls for him. He didn't do anything.

Zayn didn't go down for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. He didn't go down when his friends came to visit, or when fans crowded outside. Zayn didn't go down to greet his other family members. Zayn just didn't go down.

Because instead, he laid on the floor of his bathroom, wrapped in his duvet, his blade on the floor, the infamous color, red, covering it. Zayn's wrists poorly wrapped, his stomach poorly wrapped, his thighs poorly wrapped. Every place that piece of metal touched, was poorly wrapped. 

Zayn just let out silent sobs, wishing people cared, wishing people knew how much he needed a break. A break from people, the world, everything. His heart was broken as notifcations popped up onto his screen, seeing the boys were all together.

I thought Liam said his mum needed him..

Zayn let out a choked sob. His band mates didn't need him either. He was just there. Zayn was just the unneeded part of the band that no one had the heart to tell him that he needed to go. Maybe he should do it on his own terms.

Zayn has heard the stories of people taking their own lives.. He knows about that stuff, how to do it, how do make sure he doesn't live. But the real question is,

Could he do it on his own?

Could he actually take his own life?

What would his family think?

The boys?

The FANS?

Everyone would probably be happy. It would be better that way, if no one was sad. He didn't want anyone sad, especially over him. There was nothing good about him. He doesn't even have anything special. Just plain black hair, ugly eyes, ugly cheekbones. His voice isn't anything special. Zayn isn't anyone special. He's plain, he's boring, and he's not surprised when it seems like his only friend, the blade, is back in his hands, wrecking havoc over his body, leaving trails of red after them.

He isn't surprised when his vision gets blurry. He isn't surprised when his eyes closed shut and the blade falls out of his hand.

What he is surprised about, is that he didn't see the flood of text messages coming in from all the boys. He didn't hear his family running up the stairs. He didn't hear the door being shoved down and the cries of his family.

He just didn't hear.

웃

웃

웃

웃

Zayn woke up to an annoying beeping sound. He didn't want it there. He wanted it away. Zayn tried to make a sound, and open his eyes, but he found that he couldn't. He could hear though, and he wished most of all that he couldn't. The sobbing of his parents, his sisters, the boys.

Oh fuck the boys.

Zayn's heart sped up, breathing heavily. God he was so stupid. He didn't even mean to do this. He didn't want to do this. He lets out a breathy whimper and hears more cries. He doesn't want to be here. Someone get him away from here. Take him away.

Take me away from this place, please.. 

I don't want to be here.

Make my hearing go silent.

Zayn cried softly, prying his eyes open. He saw people standing over him, the cries, the sobs of happiness. He whimpered,  seeing everyone turn to him, expecting him to say something. Anything. Probably a sorry. He was sorry, but not about being here. About being a sorry excuse of a friend, a sorry excuse as a son and a brother. He was just sorry for not being the person everyone wanted him to be.

He was sorry..

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1007 words.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. So so sorry its so sad. It half of my thoughts and more. I just think this book will be sad and full of angst for the most part.

Can we get 4 votes and 5 comments for the next chapter?

~ Ryder.