I woke up. again knowing no one would care.. Except maybe Dan and phil.. They were my best friends for as long as I can remember, and I still don't know if they loved me the way I loved them.. I loved Phil like a brother.. And Dan, as more.. Something about him changed me.. I don't know what tho..
I put on skinny jeans and a long sleeve shirt, hiding my cuts. Both new ones and old scars. I was a cutter, depressed, suicidal, and I had anxiety attacks.... I checked my phone to see that Dan had texted me. "hey, can you come over today? i have something to tell you..."my heart raced.. what did he want to tell me? that he wants me to leave him alone? that he doesn't need some fat ass ugly bitch as a friend? I texted him back anyway.."ya:) what time?" I waited for a reply.."how about 30 min?" "That's fine:)"
I left my flat and got some coffee, I still had some time left.. I thought about what it would be like to be with Dan.. But he had a girlfriend.. A bitchy stuck up girl. That was cheating on him.. I didn't dare to tell him, it would break his heart.. finally i started walking to his and phils flat. then i got there.. dan opened the door and hugged me. he grabbed my arms to pull me in.. i flinched. he had grabbed my cuts.. it hurt like hell, I hoped he hadn't noticed. He pushed me on the couch and sat next to me.
That's when he told me. "I broke up with her..." I sat there silently.." " W-what?" I asked puzzled. "I found out that she was cheating on me..." I saw tears filling his eyes.."But, she was a bitch anyway."His tears started going away..."Ya... She was.."I give a faint smile as I hug him tightly..we sat there a while just in each others arms.. It felt amazing. Holding him.. I wish it lasted for ever. But, sadly it didn't... When he pulled away, he was staring at my arm... Shit. When I hugged him my sleeves rolled up.
He looked at me confused.."w-what are those.." he asked with a sad expression on his face.. I looked down, I saw my deep long jagged cuts all up my wrists..."I-I I just.." I couldn't talk.. My eyes started watering as I pulled my sleeves down. He stopped me and pulled it up all the way.. I could see he was hurt, he was my best friend and I never told him that I cut, was suicidal, depressed. Nothing. I told no one.
He lookedat me.."how long.."I sat there .. "Years..&"He looked shocked."why?" He started crying. It killed me to see my best friend cry.. The man I loved. I never told him, because I knew he would never love me back. "I'm worthless. I'm a piece of shit." He hugged me and said.."Your not a piece of shit.. If anyone is.. It's me." I was shocked.. He was perfect!!! What the fuck was he saying! "No, your not." I looked him in the eyes. I wanted to kiss him so bad. And I was about to.
