The Broken Rose (BWWM)

Chapter Three

"No mom, I won't be able to come home tonight for thanksgiving," I told my mother for the tenth times this week. "It's already too late, I will not show up on time and I didn't buy any ticket anyway".

She has been asking me the same question at least two times every day this week. And every time, I give her the same answer. Ever since I leave the house, I have been thinking about if I will go home for thanksgiving or for Christmas, but I don't think I am ready to go and this is why I came here in the first place, to clear the air. One day, I know I will have to give some answers, but for now, I'm not ready for it.

"What is keeping you  from coming home Shaynaïa Miller?"

"I have to study for the midterm. I have two exams next week mom".

I know she wished  I could be there, but the thinks is I don't even want to go home this year. It's true, I have to study for the midterm, but even if I didn't I wouldn't go. I feel bad for disappointing my mom, but it's best this way.

"Mom, I have to go, I will call you later. Love you," I told her before she could say anything else about it.

"Love you too, honey".

This is one of the reasons why I don't like to call home, I always feel like I'm disappointing her even more. And for my dad, well... I didn't talk to him for weeks. He is angry at me for the way  I leave the house without even saying a word to anyone. The last time we talk, it's been three weeks ago, and we had an argument. He blows up, and I was just listening without saying anything. He didn't even want me to come here, to New York. Any of them, only because they still take me for a little baby not being able to leave on her own. I'm not saying that he shouldn't be mad at me, not at all, I know my family will always be worried about me. The thing is he kept pushing me to tell him the "why I did..." Or "why I didn't...", and I tell him that I didn't want to talk about it, but he didn't stop. So things got heated.

I sighed, thinking about everything that was happening in my life, knowing it would take more than an explication to make me feel better. I walk to the refrigerator and take a glass of orange juice. One of the best kind of juices that may exist. I sip a little of my drink, and my mind suddenly slips into that night. Ever since we came from Ana's brother restaurant, I couldn't help myself from thinking about what happen.

Lucas.

Just saying his name in my mind bring a chill on my body. I can't even imagine what it would do to me if I said it out loud... The way he was looking at me, when he put his big and soft hands on my skin while trying to treat my injury, it was with so much tact. Even his strong voice affects me in a way. Why those this man can bring all of those feelings, when I only meet him. I shouldn't not even bring him on my mind. I shouldn't and I don't want to. Just by the way he keeps looking at me, tell me that I should stay away from him.

At the restaurant, when we were all eating and talking, I could feel a pair of eyes on me. I felt as if someone was watching my every move, when I was taking my food with my utensil, when I was putting the food in my mouth, when I was moving on my chair or even when I was breathing! I know that I'm going a little too far with this, but I feel like someone was watching me with a magnifying glass. And the thing was that I knew who was looking at me like that. Lucas.

The first time I laid eyes on him, I could feel the authority coming from him. And I would be lying if I said that I wasn't intimidated by him in every way and mostly, by his often staring game. I know that I shouldn't imagining things and be realistic, because there is no man that will truly be interested in me. Maybe one day, there will be someone that will find something in me, and will actually feel the same about me. One day,  maybe... But right now I don't believe in it at all. Not after what Matthew did to me or even Ryan.