I don't have dreams. No joy, no sun, no happiness. No. Either I'm too tired to dream and fall into a deep, enveloping darkness, or I have nightmares. Those that scare you. That haunt you forever and wherever you go. They seem real... until you break into a cold sweat and wake up crying, or find yourself hanging off of your bed. Those kind. You can't get rid of them. They're there, in the back of your mind, waiting, watching when to haunt you again.
Even in my childhood years, I don't remember there ever being a time where I had nice, sunny, wonderful dreams. It was always the skeleton that hid under your bed to get you, the black cat that walked at night, the ghosts flying in the air on a full moon, or the monsters that hid in your closet. When you woke up to get a drink of water, all the shadows of your room would come alive, eating up everyone and everything. You would run to turn on the lights, and they would all dissapear. If you came to your parents, they would hug you with open arms and snuggle you back to bed. It's not like that. Not for me, anyways.
When you're 15, your parents wouldn't come to comfort you, they'd laugh at you and tell you to go back to sleep. You'd stay in bed, shivering, pulling your blankets closer, and wondering... always wondering, about the world, your family, and yourself. Maybe you even wondered why you have to live, why you have to obey, or why you ended up with your family.
In your life, you can't fully confide in anyone. Sure, you tell your BFF all your secrets, everything, and anything. But you just can't tell them your deepest, darkest secret. They'd laugh at you and say you're crazy. Or, they would fake a smile, and tell everyone else. Everyone has done something wrong - at least one thing. And that one thing, we can't tell anyone, or anything, excpet for our own deadly hearts.
My nightmares, they've ranged from dead to deathly. I don't remember there being a time where everything ended well. Someone always died, and it had to be someone you loved. When you wake up, you might not quite remember what you were dreaming about, or you just forget. I don't forget those nightmares, they always haunt me, even now. I had a crazy nightmare, one which I will never forget, but I wish I never remembered it.
I was walking along a beautiful grassy, street, on my way to school. There were plain houses, but they were all neatly taken care of, and the lawns were always mowed. As I was walking, my dad pulled up in his black car, and the perfect picture was spoiled with his presence. It looked so out of place, that I just stood there - stunned. My dad got out, and he waved for me to come in. I sat next to him, in the passenger seat, and he drove. I think he was talking to me, I don't quite remember, but at first I thought nothing was going to happen. Then, I saw her. It was my mom, walking some distance away, crossing the street. As I was looking in her direction, my dad followed my gaze and saw her. The corners of his mouth formed into a frown, for both of them had a fight yesterday. Suddenly, out of nowhere, my dad speeds up - I swear he was going at 90 mph- on this little street. As soon as I realized what was happening, I started to yell. I tried to yell at my mom to run, to leave, to hide - anything. But no voice came out. In my desperation, I tried opening the doors, but they were locked, and the windows were rolled up too. Frantically, I tried to pull them open anyway. I yelled and kicked and punched, but the door wouldn't budge open. Outside, it was a blur, and then... BOOM! I didn't see anything but blood on the windshield. My dad kept going though - faster and faster. And then... I woke up in a cold sweat with my throat dry. I checked to make sure they were both alive, and they were.
But the sights and sounds never go away. Whenever they have a fight, those haunting nightmares come to me, reminding me that we are all at death's mercy.
