The Gay Delusion

25: The GG Delusion

                  

Holaaaaa, hope you're all well, gorgeous readers of this story :) I've been feeling SO out of touch with the online world lately, despite all of your insanely lovely comments on the last chapter (all of which I will get round to replying to VERYYYY soon!), so tell me how you're all doing because I'd genuinely love to know :) (That sounds way creepier typed/out loud than it did in my head. Especially coupled with that :). Hm.) Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter - we're still a liiiiittle way off from the end, so hopefully there'll be no springing a sudden ending on you :P Lots of watery, sparkling love (eyyy River-related puns!) from me :) xoxo

25: The GG Delusion

'You're looking at me very intensely right now,' I said lightly, although I still tugged at the collar of my sheer white blouse self-consciously. For the last couple of moments Griffin had just been staring at me wordlessly, and it was making me uneasy. Unconsciously he had leant forward a little in his seat, like he was studying some sort of specimen. I was half expecting him to declare "anaphase" or "prophase" or whatever-phase any minute now.

He immediately averted his gaze when I pointed this out, although his eyes slowly creeped back to rest on me.

'Sorry about that.' Griffin resembled a little school boy who had been caught doing something bad.

'I hope those aren't pity-dog eyes you're making at me,' I warned, eyebrows raised. Considering the only other person I had told about my past so far had been my mother, the notion of being pitied hadn't yet crossed my mind. Now that it had, it felt like bugs were crawling across my arms. One thing I really didn't want was for Griffin to feel sorry for me.

He hadn't said a word except for my name after I had finished telling him about the history of my one serious, failed relationship, and for once, Griffin was unreadable. His emotions were usually there on his face for everyone to plainly see, but I couldn't tell what was running through that mind of his.

'Pity-dog eyes? Is that some evolved version of puppy-dog eyes or what?' Griffin questioned, rolling his eyes dismissively. 'And anyway - no, you nutter. They're apologetic eyes,' he said, as if that fact should have been obvious to me. When he saw that I was unconvinced by his statement, Griffin paused, gently prodding my calf with his shoe-clad foot under the table. His eyes were sincere when he added softly, 'I definitely don't pity you, Laina. I'm in awe of you.'

Now, even though my heart was thudding erratically at having heard it, that was a concept I was struggling to grasp. I was aware that I was relatively attractive to the opposite sex, so it wasn't a modesty thing. It was simply the fact that I couldn't believe I had actually met someone who was so...equal to me in so many ways: Griffin was as overwhelmed and dazzled by me as I was by him.

The worrying from seconds before vanished as giddiness rippled through me; I was knocking my knees together beneath the table to stop myself from bashing my feet noisily on the floor, hoping the movement it caused didn't make Griffin think I was doing anything dodgy to myself beneath it. I probably didn't help my case when subtly, I dragged my hands off the table to settle them on my lap, and I pinched myself just to double-check I wasn't dreaming. A small part of me was convinced this all had to be a figment of my imagination. None of this could have truly been happening.

'Can I take my turn to apologize now?'

My frazzled head snapped up to look at him in confusion over the rim of the coffee cup in front of me. 'Why are you sorry?'

Griffin rubbed his neck uncertainly. 'Because I should have known all along that it had to be something bad if it made you keep that damn lie up for so long. I knew deep down that you weren't lying to make me look like a dick - that was my dick talking, if anything.'