Author's Note: Well, I'm here with the *cough cough* much awaited second part to my first Paladin FanFiction. This time, it's also got a Sci-Fi mix, because I needed a SciFi flash fiction for entering that SFSD. (Anyone mention alien penguins - thanks Demelza :D)
Preface:
Now, as much of a Braeden fan as I am, I will admit that there was always a chance that Sam would love someone else. And of course, I know that quite a few people were cheering for this person.
So, for the sake of this story gaining the largest possible amount of popularity, I have decided to write one more FanFiction in which a different ending turns out, with Sam in love with the only other really important character in the book.
That's right folks. It's time for Sam to marry... Sander.
Warning labels:
- Do not read during birth. Incessant laughter may scare baby.
- Keep out of reach of children.
- Radiation poisoning from bad writing may ensue.
- Consult physician doctor before reading.
- Computer is toxic and without nutritional value. Do not ingest.
- Do not read while sleeping.
- Do not read if prone to seizures or heart disease.
- Above all, reading without formerly reading SallySlater's Paladin will greatly increase depression.
***
It hadn't been easy for Sam to say goodbye to Sander. She knew that this was monumental, but she still had premonitions. There was so much in the plan that could go wrong, but her rational mind had finally convinced her to go through with it.
It was raining that sad, depressing day when Sam approached Sander in a dark alleyway.
"Sam?" said Sander, looking up at her from the dead alien penguin in his arms.
Sam ignored the blue radiation being emitted from the penguin towards the UFO-littered sky, and took another step forward. "Sander, I have something to tell you." She knew that Braeden was nearby, so she had to keep the trigger as secret as possible.
"What's that, Sam?" He gave her an almost imperceptable wink, which was quickly returned with one of Sam's own.
"I'm going to be leaving with Braeden," she said, hardly able to keep from laughing.
Sander nodded, watching as Braeden also entered the dark alleyway. He nodded to Sam.
"So, Sam," he said, "should we leave now?"
"Well," Sam said. "We'll both be leaving... But you'll be in a body bag."
Braeden squinted one eye. "A body bag? Don't be ridiculous. Those aren't invented for some another hundred years."
Sam sighed. "Braeden, I simply made a time machine. It wasn't all that hard, especially with all the help from the DNA of a few alien penguins Sander and I killed."
Suddenly Braeden froze, staring at Sander. "You... Killed alien penguins?" He appeared incredulous, unable to comprehend this new information.
"Of course," Sam said. "They kept on trying to enforce UN regulations on our space/time research. But honestly, how are you supposed to test transmogrifiers on anything but humans?"
Before continuing the topic at hand, which was far more important than space/time/matter research, Braeden asked, "How would anyone ever be stupid enough to get into a transmogrifier?"
"Oh, you know," Sam said offhandedly, "make it look in innocent and ask them to hide in it."
Braeden sighed. "Anyway. How could you kill alien penguins!?"
Sam's rotting teeth glinted in the moonlight. "Because, Braeden, I knew... That they are your father!"
With his secret out, Braeden ran sobbing to the dead penguin in Sander's arms. Before he could make it, however, Sam's scimitar flitted out from its scabbard and slit his throat.
His last words were, "I thought you loved me," before giving a croak and closing his eyes.
Sander sighed. "They never learn, do they?"
No, Sam thought. They never did. It was true she might have felt some kind of attraction towards the vulgar being, and she really didn't mind his half-demon parentage, but being part alien penguin? That was unforgivable.
"Well," Sander said, "I assassinated that leader of the Paladins yesterday. There's really no issue with us leaving."
Sam nodded, taking his arm in hers as they walked off into a sunny future.
Epilogue:
Worm-Tristan squiggled around on the ground in fright. Before being squashed. By Sam's boot.
Afterword:
Well, time to add another hundred or two words. Thank goodness for being able to talk for irregularly long...
Here's the ranking system for catching references:
Star Wars reference - 0
Princess Bride reference (Last chapter) - 10
Calvin and Hobbes reference - 100
Demelza Carlton reference - 1 if you were in that SFSD... But if you weren't, then 50.
Total possible points: 160
My points: 111
Top scorer, [Name]:
2. [Name]:
3. [Name]:
4. [Name]:
Finally, this was posted on James_Janzen as well. First person to spot the cover-related easter egg gets a free invisible unicorn.
