Bella waved to me as she pulled out of the parking lot. I explained my newfound adventurous side that abruptly made exploring our new environment a necessity. As always she took it well and even joked that I should draw us a map. Needless to say I cannot draw... Slipping into the woods unnoticed was executed with alarming ease with the exception of the friendly vampiric welcoming brigade. How could I possibly slip past them? Their senses were so enhanced that it would be suspicious to stay under their radar. The trees towered over my miniscule form in such a way that I felt even smaller than I am. Green encased everything within my vision from moss to vines or leaves. Bark was the only thing not some shade of green as I trudged into the depths of the intimidating behemoth structure of the woods. Squirrels chattered in the branches above while birds sung out of my field of vision. Beauty such as this did not exist in the hustle and bustle of Phoenix. There is no lost love between the torrid days, frigid nights, cacti, rough cement, and I. Sighing, I hastened at the sight of the trees thinning. A clearing or meadow, perhaps? No. Once I reached the forest edge a house revealed itself. Sam's house. Just as in my visions it was gorgeous. Laughing snatched my attention and Sam, Jared, and Paul rolled into view as the latter two wrestled on the ground. Naked! Not one of them were wearing a stitch of clothing. Debating with myself, I settled for the easiest course of action... I released an unholy shriek.
"AHHH! NUDISTS!" All three of their heads whipped to me with wide horrified eyes. "AAAAHHHHH! HOBO NUDISTS! HELP! SOMEONE! NO! STAY AWAY YOU- Y-YOU NUDIST HOBO! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!" My screaming grew louder when Sam went to approach me. Taking a leap of faith, I darted to the door of the cottage and banged on it rigorously.
"Wait! W-We can explain!" Jared tried reaching out to me.
"N-NOOO! I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN YOUR NUDIST CULT CRAZED HOBO!!! STAY AWAY!!! HELP! HE-" Emily opened her door with a panicked expression. "Miss hurry! They are a cult of crazed nudist hobos!" Shoving her inside I began locking and reinforcing the doors and windows.
"What's g-going o-o-on?"
"Do not worry! Just call the law enforcement. Those guys are insane hobos who began a nudist cult! Call 911! Hurry before they break inside of here!" I pleaded desperately.
"W-What?!" Emily broke down into hysterical laughter as I barely held myself back.
"It's true! Just look at their mad eyes!" Yanking at the curtain I pointed at Jared. "That one even dared to attempt to recruit me! We must send for the police! No the fire department! No the coast guard! Wait! They are putting out the wild fires... Call the marines or navy or army! My cousin is special forces call them! For the sake of our lives call SOMEONE!"
"N-no! It's okay! That's my fiancée Sam and his friends Paul and Jared. I'm sorry they scared you. Since we live way back here in the woods they forget to act civilized." Emily winked as she reassured me.
"You are in the cult too?!" I incredulously studied her moderately clean and clothed form, backing away.
"No! No cult! Just a bunch of weird Indians. Promise."
"Oh... In that case then I guess I should return home. If you would point me to Forks, please?" I unlocked the door and ran in the direction she pointed at my top speed in order to shake off the wolves. Oh, humor how I adore thee.
