Don't Give Up ~ Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil

Dan POV

This is it. I have finally built up enough courage to do it. I'm going to end it all today. If you haven't realized what I'm talking about, I'm going to end my life of all the pain. It's taken me a while to build up the courage to do it but I finally decided that I'm not worth a life. Let me explain my life to you...

When I was a child, i used to be really happy and nice and was as violent as a butterfly stuck on a pink marshmellow. I got along with all the kids from Reception and Primary School. I used to have friends in Primary school which I would hang out with but at the end of Year 6, we all kinda drifted away from each other.

Secondary school is where things started to go downhill because if you were nice, you had to be punished and since I was generally a nice person, I was one of the main targets in the punishments. It all started with a few names here and there but when it got to around the beginning of Year 8 everything got worse; the name calling was getting more intense to the point where I couldn't handle and I started to self-harm.

My first attemp at self-harm was actually quite terrifying because I didn't know if it hurt alot but I did it and ever since then it was my solution to all the bullying.about a year later in PE, whilst Matt, Destery and Nathan were crowding around me, Destery had grabbed my arm and unconciously rolled up my sleeve a little to reveal some of the cuts which resulted into even more bullying.

Eventually the verbal bullying became physically abusive aswell and I would get shoved into walls, doors, shelves and their were also times where they would just kick me and punch me until I was almost completely drained of energy, as to which afterwords I would drag myself the toilets and cut myself. By the time Year 10 came along, I literally had no friends, everyone hated me and knew me as the 'Emo Faggot' and would yell insults at me EVERY TIME THEY SAW ME. It carried on the same and I had found out that I had depression but my parents didn't care much because they saw i was too far down the hole to be picked back up again. Throughout my college/6th Form years, I avoided pretty much every body, didn't make any effort to get friends, stayed as quiet and unnoticed as possible. The cutting still continued throughout college/6th Form.

I remember one day going on the computer and discovering a site called 'YouTube' I decided to make an account so I could subscribe to people. I watched videosfrom people such as SMOSH and Shane Dawson, but their was someone that really caught my eye; AmazingPhil. He interested me most because we both had the same tastes but his personality was so bubbly and confident whereas mine was the complete opposite.

For a little bit I commented on hi videos andtweeted him on Twitter etc.

Which leads me to today...

My name is Dan, I am 18 years old, I have depression and I self-harm and today is the that I will finally end my life. I have written notes to everyone and I have tweeted Phil saying "Hey, I just wanted to say that you're video are one of the few things that make me happy. Good luck with everything.."

After completing all the notes, I grabbed all the painkillers I could find and snatched up the sharpest o my razors and took a deep breath...

This is it.

I look around my room for a second and take in my surroundings, letting it sink in what's about to happen. After waiting for 5 minutes, I grab the first few painkillers and prepare to put them in my mouth with my razor sitting on my lap, waiting to cut into my flesh and create pools of crimson red on the floor. I raise the painkillers to my mouth but when they get to my lips, I hear a message tone coming from my laptop. I decide to check it, it might be hate and it with help me end it all quicker. I opened the lid of the laptop and check to see who has sent me hate this time...when I get a good look at who sent me the message, I freeze on the spot and stare in confusion at the screen, not knowing whether it's good or bad.

After reading through the username at least 20 times, I come to the conclusion that in fact...AmazingPhil had ACTUALLY messaged me...

Little did I know that one tiny message would change my life forever...