HOBBIT X OC - Elastic Heart

Chapter 18 ~ Making Amends

After a while I walk back toward Thranduil's tent to hear Gandalf's voice elevated and angry. "Since when has my council offered so little? What do you think I'm trying to do?" Gandalf says angrily.

"I think you're trying to save your dwarvish friends, and I admire your loyalty to them. It does not dissuade me from my course. You started this Mithrandir; you will forgive me if I finish it." Thranduil says before he walks to the tent opening and asks his guards "Are you archers in position?"

"Yes my lord,"

"Give the order if anything moves on that mountain, kill it! The dwarves are out of time." My heart drops and I clench tightly to Ithildin as I stomp through the tent opening and say, "Mithrandir, Amin merna quen na Thranduil erui?" (I wish to speak to Thranduil alone) Gandalf slowly nods before leaving the two of us alone. "What are you doing?" I ask anger seething from my lips.

"I am doing what I must?"

"Are you? It seems to me that you are acting like a pompous arrogant Lord who would start a fight over some measly gems."

"Who are you to question me? You gave up your nobility a long time ago and for what? A life of travel and freedom, you will forgive me if I do not listen to you."

I feel my anger reach a limit and I stomp over to him until I am standing a few feet away from him, "I did what I did because I had no right to be Melethril anymore. I was tainted and scarred beyond recognition. Things were done to me that you cannot believe-"

"You could have come to me I would have helped you-"

"Help me? How were you going to help me? You had just gotten married, and before you ask yes I was there the day you were wed. I came to Amon Lanc to find solace in my friend's arms and I found that even though you claimed to love me you were already married. Did you even mourn my death?"

He stares at me wide eyed as he says, "Why did you not tell me?"

I notice his usually calm face was full of sadness and regret. I sigh as I say, "You looked so happy I didn't want to ruin it for you with my problems. Look I do not want you to feel bad about what happened. None of it could have been stopped and I know that now."

He reaches up and I feel his hand gently touch my cheek and slowly move toward my hair until his fingers stop at the spot where Fili had braided a strand of my hair and his eyes fill with anger. "What is this?"

I pull away from him as I say, "It is a braid Thranduil, nothing more."

"If it is nothing more then why is it there and why does it have a dwarvish clasp holding it together?" He asks and I raise an eyebrow as I start to put the pieces together.

"This isn't about gems at all is it? You're jealous of the dwarves."

"I am not!" He says suddenly defensive.

"You are! Why?" I ask and I watch as his eyes fill with longing and I feel my heart clench. "Thranduil, I do love you; but I also love the dwarves. After losing my father and you they were the only ones to accept me for who I am scarred, tainted, and everything. I treasure my friendship with you just like I treasure my friendship with them. They are like the brothers I never had."

"Are you sure you only see them as brothers?" He asks and I sigh as I know I can't hide the truth from him.

"I am in love with one of them." I say and I instantly regret it as I see the anger in his eyes.

"How do you know love him, you don't even know what love is?" He says angrily and I grit my teeth as stand tall.

"I may not know what love is but I know how he makes me feel. He's the only one who can touch me and not send me into a panic attack. I'm happy when he's here and I miss him tremendously when he's gone. I used to feel this way about you but I got rid of those feelings the moment you were married."