First Impressions

Masks by Vargas

Blurb- 4.5/5

I really wanted to give this the full five marks because it's the kind of blurb that might get me to cough up some cash for the chance to find out what's going on. However, sentences three and five are out of place here. Sentence three is redundant because it just repeats the ideas in the preceding and following parts and it just makes the piece feel a little clunky. Sentence five is kind awkward in it's attempt to inject some unnecessary additional drama.

All in all though, a really good example of a short, but effective blurb.

Plot- 7/10

The plot for this entire chapter could have been written on a single page but I'm so very glad it wasn't. This chapter is not really about what's happening, it's about setting a tone for the rest of the story and I can honestly say it's worth it. The writer has managed to tell you a very basic story with great deal of care and attention.

Does the writer go off on a bit of a tangent in the middle and seemingly abandon the tale entirely? Yes, but it's a fun tangent! Does writer spend a lot of time banging on about the same point (paradoxical nature of "magic")? Yes, but when he does, I'm convinced that that point is exactly the kind of thing the main character would spend her time thinking about. If I were writing this piece, I probably would have moved things around or cut things out but I think the writer has pitched it perfectly.

Also, even though not much happens for most of the chapter, the ending is brilliant...

Characters- 8/10

Ashley Cox is a person in my mind, a real person. Thanks to the writer's dedication to conveying her self-loathing and general disaffected nature, I can already hear her sighing in my ear. She is is wonderfully flawed and she's fine with it. She doesn't have the unnaturally glossy vaneer that some fictional characters have and for that reason, I love her.

There aren't any other "characters" in this section, just a people props, but you really don't miss them. The chapter is spent in the kind of space you assume Ashley's mind usually occupies and it's comfortable enough that the lack of substantial interactions doesn't feel false.

Spelling & Grammar- 9/10

I don't think I'll ever give 10/10 for S&G simply because I have a hard time trusting my eyes with this one. This particular chapter reads without snags and there aren't any major errors.

Style- 4.5/5

I love this piece, I really do. I loved reading it and I was smiling pretty much from start to finish. I didn't give full marks just because the tangents (though enjoyable) are a teeny bit too long in my book. It did feel like the writer got a touch carried away at times. Having said that, he did pull it back round and managed to bring you back to Ashley without just dropping the new line of thought.

Appeal- 10/10

Of course I want to keep going! I had to force myself to sit here and write this review because all I really wanted to do want get on to the next chapter... All I'm going to say is if the writer doesn't finish or drops his standard of writing, I will take that as a personal insult!

Overall- 43/50

Brilliantly done. The chapter is funny and engaing from start to end.

http://www.wattpad.com/7215093-masks-chapter-i#.UYp6QaJOQuM