Frank;
I walk out of Gerard's house, closing the door softly behind me. His mom offered me a ride, but I refused to take the offer because I didn't want to waste her gas. Alex and I are meeting up just a few blocks away at the comic store anyways, I don't have a problem with walking. The only thing is, things got really awkward between Gerard and I after all I said was "maybe". He didn't really want to talk anymore and he was constantly zoning out, staring off into space whilst in his own thoughts. I decided to just leave and let him think as he wanted, so I'm going an hour early. That's fine though, it isn't hard to entertain me at a comic store, I'll just pick one up and start reading. All the workers are completely fine with it, though usually you're supposed to buy them before you're allowed to sit and read them.
Anyways, I would say yes to Gerard, but I just don't know. I don't think I know all that much about him, and I'm really cautious about that stuff because that's how my parents ended up splitting. They rushed into marriage and didn't get a chance to really meet each other, a few years later, my mom's stuff was packed and she was out the door. I don't want that to happen to me again, just with my own partner and not a mother figure. I realize I'm only fifteen, too young to be thinking about being ditched after an unsuccessful marriage, but what if Gerard and I have a chance? A good one, but it gets blown because we didn't take the time to get to know each other.
God, I'm stupid. I could say yes and we could just do, like, twenty fucking questions on a date or something. Ask questions that aren't obvious. Maybe he trusts me enough to tell me what's in his journal? Now is not the time for that, idiot! I need to quit getting sidetracked. Right now is the time to freak out about which answer to give Gerard, not what's in a fucking composition book.
Who am I kidding? I'm not going to say no. I couldn't. He likes me for no other reason than the fact I'm myself, I've always been a sucker for people who don't try to change people. He's mysterious, kind of, and that makes me interested in him. We don't know each other much, but that's what dates are for. He's also attractive, there's no denying that.
I sigh and turn a corner, looking in my reflection off the store windows. Eventually I make it to the comic store and smile, walking in. I don't recognize the employee behind the counter, maybe she's new. I hope she's okay with me reading without paying though.
I walk through the aisles, flipping through comics, none of them catching my attention. I see all the comics I'd usually sit down and read in a heartbeat and shrug at them. It's weird, usually I'd be sat down with my nose shoved in the pages by now.
I sigh and plop down in one of the armchairs say on the end of a bookshelf.
I'm only half paying attention to the pictures and words, already knowing the ending of the entire thing. I'm basically trying to distract my frazzled mind with something that interests me, but it isnt working. I'm still thinking about Gerard, I'm still wondering when the hell Alex is going to get here, and I'm still kind of freaked out that the employee doesn't know that I'm allowed to read without paying. I don't want to get In trouble.
Just then, the bell rings that signals when the door is opened. I stand up and walk down one of the aisles of book shelves, looking to see if it's Alex who showed up. Lucky for me, it is.
I walk closer to him and greet him, "Hey, man, how was work?"
"Shit, like always. The manager hates me, she's always bitching me out for things I didn't even do, and I'm just so close to quitting, but I can't do that to my mom," he sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know, I can't wait to turn my life around after high school.."
"What do you want to do?" I ask. We talk about this a lot, and every time I get the same answer. He's very headstrong and determined, but he's sensitive, and that doesn't always mix.
"I'm going to find a way to get into a college and I'm going to study as hard as I can so I can get a great job. I'll help my mom get back on her feet, and it'll help us all out. I'm going to make my mom's life worth it in the end."
"Her life has always been worth it when she has you, Alex. You may not see it sometimes, but she loves you so much and without you, she wouldn't be where she is."
"She isn't in a good place," he mutters, dragging his feet along the carpeted floor of the comic store.
"She isn't in the worst place either. Alex, she loves you and that's all that matters," I say, rubbing his back gently, knowing he's on the verge of having a little freak out.
"I guess. Um, how was your day?" He asks, changing the subject. That's good, I suppose. It'll keep his mind off of the thing making him so upset.
"It was good, I guess. My only other friend asked me out." I still don't know whether I should say yes or no. I want to say yes, but I'm thinking of so many outcomes that could result from both answers. My one fear is ruining the friendship, and that would kill me inside. I really do like being his friend, but at the same time, the thought of being able to hold his hand, cuddle up against him, and, in time, kissing him doesn't sound awful. The thought of it causes my stomach to do flips, my cheeks to redden.
"Really? Did you say yes? Or no?" I smile a little, amused by Alex. He was smiling and nodding his head for 'yes', and frowning and shaking his head for 'no'. The kid really amuses me sometimes.
"Uh, I said maybe. Like, I don't know.. I do like him. But I also like him as just a friend, but not in that way where dating isn't an option, in the way where I wouldn't mind dating, but I'm scared to ruin the friendship. So, I want to date him, but I don't want the friendship to end if the relationship does," I explain, kind of going into some ramble of words that probably made no sense to Alex.
"Then date him," is all he says. And it sounds like such an easy option, but my kind is over thinking the whole concept of it. I'm just really afraid. I haven't really dated, like, ever. I'm not only scared of our friendship going down the drain, but I'm afraid that I might not be a good boyfriend. Everything I know about relationships is based off of books, movies, and things I've seen in real life.
"It isn't that easy, Alex," I sigh, putting my hand to my forehead. "It just isn't that easy."
"Sure it is. Why should you put yourself through emotional torture because you're scared? Obviously you want him, I can tell. Promise yourself that you won't let the possible end of your relationship end your friendship. You care about him, don't torture the both of you." And he's right. I feel bad about just leaving him with a maybe, leaving him to wonder what that means.
"You're right."
"I know," he responds, patting my head. "Now, do you want to go get your future boyfriend, or hang out?"
"Both. Can you go with me?" It probably sounds really stupid, having my best friend go with me to tell my crush, or whatever, that I want to date.
"Sure, you idiot," he laughs.
I take the comic I pulled off the shelf earlier and put it back where I found it, then Alex and I leave the store, starting the walk to Gerard's house. I'm looking forward to this, yet I'm not. I seem to always find a way to make a fool of myself with stuff like this, important stuff.
Let's just hope this is an exception.
*~*~*~*
Well, it's kinda short, but next chapter is where all the relationship stuff happens. I'm thinking about ending it soon, yesterday I got a really good idea for the ending and I'm super pumped!!
I love you guys.
xoCrashFire
