Jan. 1, 2012
3:13 AM
Damn! I was too late. She slept already!
Anyway, 2012 came in. Meanwhile, at about 12:30am, when everyone was enjoying and celebrating for the new year, I went at their(Casee's) house. I passed in front of their house twice without her noticing me. LOL. I saw her wearing a "domo" shirt while singing with their videoke. I saw her laughing, smiling, and enjoying. Then I realized, could I make her so happy like that? Could I? Could I? Putting that aside, guess what? She called me "Dear" again! My heart bumped very fast as I read that. But right now, I can't still forgive myself for what I did to her.
4:47 AM
Whew. I can't still take her off my mind. I can't still stop of thinking of ways on how to make her happy. It's really hard when someone owns your heart. All I do is think, think and think about her. I wonder if she feels the same way too. I wonder if she also thinks about me every night like I do.
5:46 AM
The sun rose. I'm still awake. Sitting in front of a computer, reading and learning some stuffs. But I always end up thinking about her. Anyway, I'll just be writing again about some other stuffs later, maybe when I wake up. Yosh, off to dreamland.
3:36 PM
I just woke up! And, damn! She's not available this day. Geez, I really wanted to be with her for this day. So, uh, I'm not in the mood of talking things right now. I'm wondering where did she went to. I'm wondering if she's enjoying on what she's doing right now. Here I am again, thinking about her.
Jan. 4, 2012
1:37 AM
You have no idea how happy I was yesterday and the day before yesterday! It was because of her again. On January 2, we watched movie and played chess at home, then dinner at my grandfather's house since it was his birthday. So, I was with her for a very long period of time. Then yesterday, we went together to church and had our sins confessions and I accompanied her in printing pictures for her project. Geez, being with her really means a lot to me. The truth is, she's the very first girl that I've invited to have some "fun" stuffs at home like watching movies and playing chess. The very first girl that I've invited to my family affairs.
Day by day, my love for her digs deeper and deeper that I would always worry and think about her. Being in love with her has been also very hard to me;instead of worrying and thinking some other things, I would think and worry about her. Sometimes, when I can't bear the worry anymore, I'll check her at her home. And sit near on their house. Hoping that she would know how much I care for her. But I just can't let her stop doing things that would make me worry because first of, I ain't her boyfriend. And secondly, I would be a disturbance to her life which I don't want to be. Lastly, I want her to live happily. That is why, here I am. Always ending up thinking about her.
Too bad I don't have much time left. I still want to write more things here. How unfortunate. I can't stay very late because I got to rest for later's class. I'll just write some other stuffs again here--maybe after class or tomorrow.
Jan. 7, 2012
2:15 AM
Whew, I'm too sleepy already. But before I sleep, I want to write down stuffs here first.
On the world we are living on right now, I know that love will never be equal. So I really think she don't really love me very much. Or worse, maybe she only thinks of me as a special friend or whatsoever. Since my love for her is so intense. Just like how God loves the people very much, but most of the people do not love him back the way he does. Because it's the reality: Love will never be equal. Despite that, I will still not hold back my feelings for her. Because for me, what's important is that I can express my love for her, even if maybe she doesn't love me. I never heard her saying I Love You yet or I Like You at least. And because of that, I'm honestly hurt. You see, right now, I'm still writing about her instead of something else. It's because she's always on my mind, always worrying about her as what I've said last time. Hearing her say, "I Love You" even once to me would be a dream come true.
