Miserable At Best (Alex Gaskarth Fanfiction)

Chapter 4: Guilt

"Letting people down is my thing baby,

Find yourself a new gig

This town ain't big enought for the two of us

I don't have the right name or the right looks

But I have twice the heart."

-Fall Out Boy

--

I woke up to the aroma of fresh pancakes. My stomach growled, asking for food, but I resisted and managed to get out of bed and head downstairs.

"Morning." I mumbled to my brother, who was indeed, cooking pancakes.

"Morning, you hungry? I'm making breakfast."

"Way to state the obvious, bro, and no I'm not hungry. I'm probably gonna grab some lunch with Tay later anyway."

"Okay, that's cool. I'll make the rest for Alex."

"Alex?" I asked, confused. "He's here?"

"Yeah, he got kinda shit-faced last night so he crashed here."

Oh.. okay." I pulled out my phone and texted Tay and walked back up to my room to take a shower when I bumped into something.. or someone.

"Whoa, sorry Lana." I looked up to see Alex's caramel eyes staring down at me.

"It's cool. Zack made breakfast for you downstairs."

"You're not having any?"

"No, not really hungry." At that moment my stomach decided to growl. Alex raised his eyebrows at me.

"I thought you weren't hungry?" Oh shit.

"I.. I'm going out with Tay for lunch so I'm waiting till then."

"It's only nine, Lana. I'm sure you can have just a little breakfast." He sounded determined, but I knew even if I did eat I would purge it back up later. Even so I'd rather not eat at all.

"Seriously Alex it's fine. Tay's coming soon anyway." I walked off to my room before he could say anything and shut the door. I let out a heavy sigh and went to look in the full length mirror sitting in the corner of my room. 'Disgusting' I thought to myself. 'Absolutely disgusting. No one could ever love someone like you.'

And I knew the taunting voice in my head was telling me the truth.

--

"Lana, Tay's here!" Zack called from downstairs.

"Be right there!" I grabbed my purse and slung it over my shoulder before heading downstairs. Tay was talking to Zack about who knows what. 

"Hey Tay!" I hugged her.

"Hey Lana, ready to go?" I nodded and said goodbye to Zack and Alex who were in the kitchen. She grabbed my wrist, not to hard, thankfully, and lead me to her car. She started it up, blasting the radio, which was currently playing I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At The Disco.

All I could think about was how many calories I was going to have to put on today. No, I can't do that. I'm already fat enough. How could people find me pretty? How did Aiden put up with me for so long? That's why he hurt me. He had enough of me. He wanted me gone.

"Lana?" Tay waved a hand in my face and I quickly looked up. That's when I realized we were parked outside McDonald's. "C'mon let's go!" She giggled. I smiled and got out of my seat. Oh, how I wish I could be like Tay. Happy, beautiful, never needing to worry about how many calories she's taking in because it never matters in the end.