Suicide Sunshine

☼ ᴀᴅᴅʏ ☼

I was walking to art when I heard retching sounds emerging from the girls' bathroom. I guessed what was happening and I almost turned to walk into the bathroom and convince whoever it was too stop now before they became like me. But then I realized who it could be and I kept walking to class. I can't talk to Bridget anymore after what I said too her. I feel so bad and I do miss her, but it's so hard to even look at her.

As I walked, Tristan, Bridget's boyfriend of seven months, walked by. His eyes traveled to the bathroom and I saw him flinch. I'm sure he has some clue about what Bridget has been doing to herself. It's my fault which is obvious too me, but she took it farther than I thought and, well, I couldn't take it anymore. I remember our last conversation. It was in March.

I was so angry at her. She was going overboard, walking around school with her sleeved pulled up, her thigh gap in full view. She stopped covering it all. She was begging for attention. I had dragged her into an empty hallway before she could walk into her algebra class. "What are you thinking?" I had whisper-screamed at her.

She gave me an innocent look and laughed. But her laugh sounded forced. "What the hell are you talking about?"

I looked at her right in the eyes. "Seriously what the fuck is wrong with you?. This isn't something you should be proud of," I growled. "Depression is not a joke! I thought you knew that," My voice was getting louder. "You may have cut deeper than me or cried more often. Been put on more meds or attempted suicide several times more than me, but it is most certainly not something you should show off for attention! And another thing. Eating less calories than I do is not anything to brag about! This is a disease and I wish I had realized that before I got us both into this mess. Now I'm stuck with it but I'm done with you!" I stormed away from her and haven't yet, since then, spoken a word too her.

So now I don't have any friends too talk to. No one to confide in. I was lost and practically falling down a rabbit hole.

I sat down in the back of my art class just before the teacher started talking about sculpting and other junk. I didn't want to listen today. I felt to distracted. Then I heard a high pitched scream. The teacher ran out of the room. She told us to stay in our seats on her way out. The class had a different idea and we all got up to see what exactly what was happening.

The principle was talking to Tristan, both had tears in their eyes. Was in Bridget in the bathroom? Was she... okay?

The PA crackled and a secretary's sobbing was heard all over the school.

"Everyone please report to the auditorium," she said in between sobs. Even though I wanted to see what was wrong, I didn't want to get in the way of anyone so I went along with the crowd.

We sat, or stood. Some ran around and screamed, while the Principal tried to get situated. I sat in the back alone, having no one to sit by. I could hear sirens wailing outside.

What happened? was all I could think. Was it really Bridget? Or was Tristan involved in some other way?

The auditorium was suddenly filled with the sound of feedback.

"Good afternoon, students," the principal, Mr. Walter, said loudly into the microphone. Right...

We have been informed that a fellow student has died today," he stuttered. "We would like to have a moment of silence in her honor." He bowed his head and the room went silent.

"Who?" The question was screamed loudly, breaking the rare silence in the school. I cringed at the sound.

He clearded his throat and more feedback sounded. "Bridget Scotts, now please, silence." Silence again. We sat that way for maybe thirty seconds before the never-ending whispering started up.

I jumped when a hard was placed on my shoulder.

Turns out that i was included in Bridget's suicide letter. Didn't think she'd even mention me. It was just a bye adie. It hit me then, though, that Bridget was gone. My first and only ever friend, the girl who held me when dad died. Cried with me when Clairie, my cat, got run over and who got me a kitten for my next birthday.