Suicide Sunshine

☼ ʙʀɪᴅɢᴇᴛ ☼

I heaved and heaved and heaved. All the crap in my huge stomach, gone. People could hear and I didn't care anymore. Not at all. I wouldn't be here much longer and I was so glad.

I was going to write a letter. I didn't actually think that I had any need to, but everyone writes one, right? So I began to write:

well, what am i supposed to write here? hmm not too many people knew me. they just thought that i was quiet, sad and shy. i wasn't shy, it was just that i was used to having one friend. then i lost her and i blame myself. she was right, i had gone overboard. i'm not sure what happened to me, exactly. i just... lost it.

but, anyway, i love tristan, but i feel like i'm a burdan to him. so i'm leaving forever for his sake and mine. i don't think my life is worth anything to be honest and it's not like i'll be successful in anything. i had a panic attack everyday just thinking about the life ahead of me. but i guess i won't have one now so nothing to panic about. heh.

i'd just like to say bye. i'm sad, tired and i should just finish the job before someone finds me i here. bye adie. bye tristan. bye dad, grandma. goodbye, and have a nice life everyone.

love to you all,

Brig♡♡♡

p.s. sorry that i killed myself in the school bathroom. not the smartest place to do this but i obviously couldn't do it at home with Grandma there. if you find me i've probably traumatized you for life but i can't care because i'll be dead sooo... whatever.

I guess that was good enough. I didn't have much to say.

"It's time to go, Bridget," I whispered to myself. I rifled through my purse and took out my murder weapon. A box of double-sided razors I had bought at the drug store this very morning. I also brought a mixed bottle of all the meds I've been put on. I stared long and hard at both things sitting in my pale, bony hands.

I worked hard to loose weight. I went from one hundred thirty-five dissgusting pounds to eighty-seven pounds. Better, but not best. Thin enough to let myself go. I said when this all started that if I had to die, I would make sure I'd die thin.

I took random pills, two at a time. Blue, red, white, green. I don't think I remember what they're all for. It doesn't matter at this point though.

Now, the razors. I pull away my leggings, just to my knees. Enough room to chop up my whale blubber thighs.

Cut, cut, cut.

Deep enough for a fairy to swim.

Cut, cut, cut.

If frozen it could be an rink for tiny ice skaters.

Cut.

More and more and more. More cuts.

I yanked my legging back up. They drag against my cuts but I don't mind. Swallow more pills. Five at a time. Three blue, two red. One white, two red, two green. They start to kick in, the dizzies come. Faster, faster, my mind is swimming like the fairies in my cuts.

I rip my sleeves up. I draw a deep, deep cut from the inside of my elbow to my palm. It reminds me of a poem I wrote.

I make a river, man made stream

But it floods over, shattered dreams

I build a bridge, try to cross over

But I don't make it, heart grows colder

My blood river is flooding. My mind is spinning. Everything is black, then white.

The door to the bathroom opens and a girl screams. Then I leave.

I'm finally done.