Becoming Rapunzel

Expectant

Ilsa sat too, quiet now.

Finally, when I began to process the knowledge that I had a child growing within my womb, I turned to Ilsa and asked my first question. "How am I supposed to do this?"

She was silent for a heartbeat, then answered firmly, "With a lot of love and support."

It was not the answer I had been expecting, and it surprised me into silence for another moment. Then I asked again, "But how?"

"Well," she said, staring at her garden. "Some of that depends on how far along you are and how you got to be this way."

I kept silent. I didn't want to tell her about Gothel. It was such a crazy story, I was realizing, that I doubted they would believe me. I didn't want to lose their help. But I had to tell her something. "My husband is dead. I have no family," I told her.

"When was your last menses?"

I thought back. Everything was such a blur I could scarcely remember. "I had it after the New Year. I was a virgin until then." I blushed, but smiled at the sweet memories.

"So no more than four months along," Ilsa concluded. "That's good. I wouldn't expect you to be any farther, judging by the weight you're putting on."

"I don't know much about childbirth," I confessed. What I had known I had read years ago, and much knowledge had been lost along the way. "I concentrated on learning other things."

"You will give birth most likely after the winter solstice, but not much after. That gives us some time to plan," Ilsa told me.

"How in the world am I supposed to care for a child?" I asked again. "I know nothing about children."

Ilsa smiled at me. "You've come to the right place! I have a child only six months old. You can watch him and learn from me. There are also many mothers in the village that would love for you to give them a short rest. I'll teach you how to change and clean dirty clouts in no time. And a lot of mothering is instinctual. You do what your mother taught you. You do what you think is best for your babe."

The last part was the thing that scared me. I couldn't rely on my memories of Gothel. In fact, I was frightened I would turn into her.

"How am I supposed to feed them? Where am I going to live?" I questioned.

Ilsa nodded, as though agreeing that these were important questions. "Rochburg is a good village. As a freewoman you can find work in some of the shops. Or you might try to travel to Varia and find work in the castle there."

"I thought we were in Varia."

"Varia is an archduchy, a province, and the castle and town within it," she explained to me. "Varia the castle is a good two days' walk from here for the hills."

At least I was in Ansel's province. It made me feel a little closer to him, that I finally got to travel into the province we planned to make a home in.

As I retrieved my emotional stability, I grew more and more confident in my plan for the rest of the day. I could still not fully comprehend what I was going to do with a child, but Ilsa's calm assurances made me feel like something would work out in my favor. I still wasn't pleased with the prospect of a child, but perchance it wasn't the end of the world, either.

Ilsa told me I could weed the garden for her, so I did so when I felt able. She left me outside and went to tidy her home before leaving on her daily visits. As I kneeled in the garden, supporting myself on my hands while grasping for pesky weeds, I breathed in the sweet scent of earth. It had been far, far too long since I had been in the rich soil, spreading life around me. It felt good.