Memoirs of an Outlaw: Life in the Sandbox

Chapter 1: The Book

“Company! Atten-hut!” a gruff voice yelled.

Simultaneously, nearly one hundred and fifty boot heels clicked together, making a very distinct noise in the silence. A door at the back end of a brick building opened, and out walked a tall, weathered-looking Marine wearing a green digital camouflage uniform with his sleeves rolled up. He was clutching a small book in his hand.

He walked with stern determination to the formation of Marines in front of him. When he was about five feet away, the company gunnery sergeant swiftly raised his right arm and saluted.

“Sir, all Marines present or accounted for,” the company gunnery sergeant said.

Returning the salute, the company commander thanked the gunny and ended the salute by bringing his arm back down to his side.

“At ease, Marines!” the company commander, Captain Quinlan, said.

Instinctively, the whole company relaxed a bit. Captain Quinlan had us all gather around him in a circle and began to give his usual talk about staying safe over the weekend and telling us not to do anything stupid. As he spoke, my mind began to wander off as I looked around. So many new faces surrounded me, some that I had become familiar over the last few months and some that I was just beginning to recognize. Each man wore the same green digital camouflage uniform, ironed to perfection with no wrinkles to be seen.

The sun was just starting to get to its midday position, and the familiar North Carolina heat and humidity was beginning to take its toll on me. Sweat began to roll down my forehead. Fortunately, on this particular day, the heat wasn’t bothering me as much as it usually did. Unlike the others, I had on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I stuck out like a sore thumb, but I didn’t mind one bit. In fact, it felt good to be different.

Captain Quinlan came to the end of his weekend safety brief and then turned to me.

“Marines, today we say farewell to one of our brothers, Corporal Tanner,” Captain Quinlan said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

He called me forward and had me stand next to him. This was the part I had been dreading. I hated being the center of attention, and I really hated giving speeches. Captain Quinlan went on to talk about my history with the Outlaws and the accomplishments I successfully achieved while a member of the unit. I stood in place next to him with my hands clasped together at my waist, nervously twirling my thumbs while I tried to come up with a decent speech in my head.

Captain Quinlan came to the end of his speech, turned toward me, and asked if I wanted to say anything. Here it goes, I thought. The Marines around me began to chant “Speech!” as they waited for me to open my mouth.

“Thank you, sir,” I said in a slightly hushed voice. Great way to start it off, Bob, I thought. Nothing like starting my farewell speech sounding like a pansy. After a few seconds, my confidence grew, and I found my voice.

“Some of you I fought alongside of in Fallujah, and some are brand-new to the company. But to all, it’s an honor to have served with you.” I scanned the Marines gathered around me trying to look for familiar faces in the crowd. I spotted one or two Marines but was slightly disheartened that I didn’t see more. So many friends had left the Outlaws once we got back from Iraq, and it hurt watching them leave, knowing I would be one of the few original members left.

“The Outlaws have a proud history, one that has been forged by the blood, sweat, and tears of many fine Marines. Y’all have a lot ahead of you, but I know that you’ll continue to proudly represent the Outlaws. I wish everyone the best of luck, and hopefully I’ll see you all again some time soon.” Short and sweet. I had more I wanted to say, but the words kept escaping me so I kept it brief.

“Tanner,” Captain Quinlan said as he came back to my side, “while I wasn’t your commanding officer when you were out in Fallujah, it was still a pleasure having you under my command these last few months. As a token of my appreciation, I want to give you this little gift.”

He handed me the book that he had been holding the whole time. “This is a book of military short stories. I’m hoping that one day you will write a chapter that proudly represents the Delta Company Outlaws.”

I took the book from him and then firmly shook his hand. “Thank you, sir.”

“Good luck, Tanner, on all your future endeavors. Semper Fi, Marine,” Captain Quinlan said with a sense of finality. He turned to address the rest of the company. “Outlaws, bid farewell to Corporal Tanner, and then you’re dismissed for the weekend. Be safe, and have a good one.” With that, Captain Quinlan turned and left to go back to the company office.

“Atten-hut!” the company gunny announced. We all stood at attention one more time as the captain walked away.

Once Captain Quinlan had left, the company relaxed, and everyone began to go his own way. Some of the guys I had served with overseas came up to wish me farewell. A few minutes passed, and I was finally all alone, staring at the moving truck in the parking lot with all my belongings in it. I started walking toward it, and my mind began racing all over the place. So this is it, I thought, this is how it will all end. Four years have come and gone so fast, yet I had had the opportunity to experience so much, things that most people will never get to experience.

I opened the driver’s door and slowly sat down in the seat. I turned the key, and the engine came to life. The glare of the sun was beaming through the windshield, so I pulled down the visor. The heat inside the truck was stifling, and I began to make a move for the air conditioner but stopped myself just short of the knob. This is my last day as an active-duty Marine, I thought. Fuck it, I’m rolling down the window and enjoying the wind blowing through my nonexistent hair and taking in the smell of the fresh air.

As I drove toward the main gate of Camp Lejeune with the windows open and music blaring, a flood of memories came back to me. Four friggin’ years. I was overjoyed that I was finally able to take on a new adventure, but I was saddened that I was leaving so much history behind. I had made so many good friends. Too many good friends were lost. I was leaving behind a family that I had come to love and had shared so much with over the years. How did it all begin? How did I get to this point in my life and get to experience everything that made me the man I am today? How did I become an Outlaw? And that was when all the memories came rushing back.