Oh, Boy!

18

18

"I'm so sorry..." His head bowed as he mumbled his words, he showed the broken phone that he borrowed last night. The screen is still in good condition, but the LCD inside was broken. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "What happened?" It's a male voice this time. He remained sitting at the edge of his bed with his head hanging low, he didn't take a glance when the door opened and the nurse came in to give him breakfast so he could take medicine afterward.

The nurse noticed a black circle in his eyes. He didn't sleep last night. 

"I-I.. throw it away. I didn't mean it. I'm just frustrated because I can't contact him.." he admits. 

He heard an understanding sigh. "I'm sorry to hear that. I know how hard it is. Trust me. I know that you're still questioning what's happening right now. But you have to pull yourself together. 'Cause so soon, everything was going back to normal. So soon, it's all gonna be okay."

"It's all gonna be okay..." he repeated it, like trying to convince himself.

"That's right, it's all gonna be okay," the male nurse agreed as he tapped Joshua's shoulder to build his confidence.

That was the time when Joshua moved his head to look at the nurse. "You might not remember me, but I used to take care of you here when you're still unconscious. Then I went to Bataan to attend my grandmother's birthday last March 16, the same day when they declared a lockdown."

"T-thank you," was Joshua's response.

The nurse messed his hair like he was a little boy. "No need to thank me. I'm happy to see you awake." Joshua didn't know what to say, so the nurse spoke again. "My name is Christian, by the way. But please call me, Ian."

A soft smile appears on Joshua's lips for the second time since he wakes up from a coma. "There you go, you should always smile." Then he grabbed the phone from Joshua's hand and brought it to his uniform's pocket. "I will bring you a new phone later. It's an iPhone, but please take care of it."

"No need. I don't need."

Ian considered what he said. "It's up to you, but if you need something, just one beep to your intercom and I'll come to you. For now, just take your breakfast. See you later."

The nurse winked at him. He was about to walk away but Joshua spoke again. "W-wait.." Joshua stands up and walks toward the nurse. They are the same height as Joshua stood face to face with the nurse who took care of him when he was unconscious. "May I see your face?"

The nurse was hesitant at first, but in the end, he chose to lower his face mask. "Satisfy?" He grinned.

"Not yet.." Joshua didn't know what he was doing. He examined his face, his eyes, his lips.

"What do you—" The nurse didn't finish his sentence when Joshua's lips bumped into his lips. Dumbfounded, until Joshua stopped. "Wa-wa-what is that?"

Joshua licked his lips before he answered. "I'm just curious."

"Are you aware that Coronavirus is wandering around and anyone can be a carrier? It could be you or me."

Joshua just shrugs it off. "Fuck the corona."

"It's better for you to eat your breakfast now. I-" The nurse had to clear his throat. "I'll come back later."

He smirked. "I'll wait for you." But the moment that the nurse closed the door, his face back to being nonchalant again. He blows a loud breath. He grabbed the tray and threw his food in the trash can inside the comfort room.

He stares in the mirror to talk to himself.  "You need to forget him, he doesn't care for you. So stop wasting your time thinking about him." He balled his hands until his knuckles became white. "From now on, you will move on. He's just a part of your old chapter. This is a new chapter now. New character...New you. No more Dwight. No more."

*****

Dwight's tears continue flowing. He can't take the pain anymore. So he decided to drink alcohol for the first time again. He begs his mother for this.  His eyes may be open but he can't see his parents in front of him who are just watching him while having this moment in his own world. 

His minds take him back to the memories, the day that he should tell Joshua the truth...

"And it's not just about my parents, why I'm crying.."

Tanya gave a space to Dwight after he hugged him.

"What do you mean?"

He produces a smile–a genuine smile. "After I saw your husband's photo. I remembered everything now. Your husband, Antonio, is the one who circumcised me. And Joshua was my best friend. We used to live here. But we moved when I was eight." He laughed at the memories. 

"W-wait.." Tanya tried to process in her mind what Dwight just told her.

"You lived here in our area before?" Dwight just nodded for confirmation. "What's the name of your mother?" Tanya added.

"Her name is Catherine. Catherine Del Rosario.."

Tanya was astounded, she cupped Dwight's face like she was examining it. "You're White? You're the little boy we used to call White because you can't pronounce your name properly?"

"Yes, Tita. My name was White when I was 8."

"What a small world!" She squeezes Dwight through a hug. "I'm so happy. You've been my son's best friend since the very beginning. Now I know why I felt like I saw you already since the first time you were here."

Back in reality, Dwight felt his mother's warm embrace. "M-mom...I'm sorry that you have to see me like this.."

Catherine shook her head. "You don't have to say sorry. It's okay.."

"I'm so mad...I want to shout. I want to...t-to yell at the Lord to ask Him why, after everything I did, all the sacrifices and efforts that I made to become a better person...H-he let me become like this. Why does he need to make my life always complicated? Is he punishing me?"

Catherine moved the chair close to her son for her to sit, and then she held his hands tightly, not minding the presence of her husband and the way he looked at them with so much disappointment. "He is not punishing you..."

"T-then why is this happening to me? Why did I become blind?"

"I don't know...but one thing is for sure...and that is he has a great purpose."

"I can't believe that. I know God is punishing me because I-I'm gay. And I love my best friend since we are kids...I love him, and his name is Joshua."

Catherine is shocked, and so is her husband who walks away immediately after what he hears from his son.