𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 ❤︎︎ 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗁𝗋𝗂𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗍 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗒．

Part 1: anxiety

Sorry if they are short I'm trying to keep them short and sweet so I don't use all of my ideas!! 🫶🏻

TW: anxiety, self harm, crying

Chris's pov:

I heard a muffle that sounded like a cry outside of Matt's door...I don't know if I should check on him or not but I do anyway "Matt are you okay in there?" I say while I knock on the door, I can hear him try to stop crying and pick himself up so I just go in "Matt what's wrong" I run over to him and place my hand on his shoulder, he looks at me with watery red eyes "can we talk, please" Matt says and of course I listen "you know how I say I feel as if I have no personality?" I nod "today.." he starts to struggle on his words "today is one of those days Chris...I don't know what to do.." he puts his head into his hands and I hug him "Matt it's going to be ok you have gotten through it before, I love you Matty B" I rub his back "I love you too Chris."

I didn't know but we ended up falling asleep like that. Just holding each other but I'm not complaining.

I end up waking up to see Matt's already gone so I get up to go see where he went, I head to the kitchen to see him putting peanut butter on some rice cakes "GOOD MORNING MATT!" I yell as I run to give him a hug "hey Chris" he laughs "It's Friday!!! You know what that means!!" I say as I jump around and dance "yeah a new car video!" He laughs again "hey Chris can I talk to you...about yesterday" I see the worry in his eyes so I instantly pay attention "yeah buddy whats up?" I look at him confused "can we keep yesterday between you and I...I just don't need Nick freaking out about me." I stare at him for a little because is he being for real. He has an anxiety attack and expects me to keep it from our brother. Something that could have harmed him confidential, "yeah...yeah Matt I can do that." I say unsure because why would I do that but I had to respect what he wanted, "thanks Chris," I look at him and sigh "but Matt...what if it happens again but this time nobody can do anything because nobody knows." I look at him worried and scared "Chris. I will be okay. I promise" he gives me a hug.

Matt's pov:

I keep trying to convince myself that it won't happen again but Chris is right..what if it does but this time it's worse. And this time I can't end it. It's been about 2 hours since me and Chris had that conversation but I need to talk to him again so I go to his room where I find him watching TikTok, I don't say a word I just pull the covers back and lay down next to him "is everything okay?" He says pulling me in for a hug "can we talk.." I think he hears that I'm uneasy because he instantly gets worried so he nods letting me speak, "what if it does happen again? I'm scared because this is the worse they have ever been Chris. So bad I have wanted to harm myself," when I say that last sentence Chris' expression drops, I notice and I start to tear up.."Matt what do you mean.." he sits up straighter and looks me in the eye, I finally just break down into tears and he pulls me in "Matt it's okay. You have me, Nick, Nate, Mary-Lou, jimmy, Madi...anyone you could talk to if you want, you're going to be ok and we will all make sure of it okay Matt?" I think he starts to tear up too because his voice starts cracking and I feel something wet splash me.

I can't help but think "it's going to happen again" but until then I'm ok and I have to keep telling myself that. "IM. OKAY."