03| FEAR OF FORGETTING

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WHILE THE OTHER TWO OF THE THREE REMAINED, Lucien decided to outright skip sports class, ensuring he wouldn't cross paths with Neil for the rest of the day.

Julien figured that Lucien preferred not to linger in the dressing rooms afterward, surrounded by sweaty boys and the steam from the showers. Julien and Emile returned to an empty dorm, where Julien noticed the missing copy of "The Stranger" by Albert Camus. Assuming Lucien was out reading it, perhaps with a cigarette in hand, Julien reflected that Lucien had stopped making annotations, a habit he had once associated closely with him.

Julien couldn't shake the memory of when Lucien's abrupt departures from the dressing rooms began. It seemed out of character, a departure from their usual camaraderie. Emile, ever the perceptive one, sensed a shift in Lucien's demeanor, though he chose to mask his intuition behind his jovial facade. Perhaps Julien would unravel the mystery in due time, and Emile would leave it to him to broach the subject.

Was it Lucien's yearning for a certain individual that prompted his retreat, or was it the inclination towards solitude? The answer remained elusive, lingering on the periphery of their understanding, waiting to be unearthed. For now, they could only speculate, caught in the enigmatic orbit of Lucien's enigma.

Since Lucien's childhood friend tragically took his own life at the tender age of thirteen, Lucien had abandoned the practice of annotating books. He used to share his annotated copies with Michael, but after the loss, Lucien found himself unable to find purpose in the practice anymore.

Julien let out a weary sigh as he settled into his chair, promptly immersing himself in his homework assignments. Across the room, Emile flung himself onto the bed, retrieving a questionable magazine from beneath his mattress. Despite the predictable antics of his friend, Julien couldn't help but crack a wry smile and shake his head at Emile's antics.

Over the years, Lucien had come to realize that not a single day passed without thoughts of Michael crossing his mind. He had navigated through the stages of grief, from the initial denial to eventual acceptance, yet the pain lingered. Each day presented reminders of his lost friend, woven into the fabric of everyday life. As time trickled by, the vivid image of the thirteen-year-old Michael began to blur at the edges, blending with other memories until the once-clear picture of his friend became obscured.

Lucien harbored one deep-seated fear above all others: the fear of forgetting. Forgetting Michael, and forgetting the memories they shared, was a prospect that haunted him, casting a shadow over his every moment.

Lucien found himself disoriented as he made his way back from the newfound cave nestled in the heart of the woods, clutching his copy of The Stranger in his left hand. He refrained from discarding his cigarette on the forest floor, harboring a secret fear of accidentally igniting a blaze amidst the trees. A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he caught sight of the treetops that crowned the Welton castle, guiding his steps in their direction.

Thoughts swirled in his mind as he traversed the familiar path. Memories of his friend Michael surfaced, intertwined with the weight of his own escalating depression. The impending loss of sleep loomed over him, a specter haunting his every waking moment. Amidst these thoughts, the image of Neil Perry also found its place, occupying a corner of his consciousness.

What was it about Neil Perry, Lucien pondered, that was so... captivating yet infuriating? The word danced on the tip of his tongue—intriguing, fascinating, and maddening all at once. Oh, how Neil could infuriate him with his flawless grades, his disarming smile, his meticulously styled haircut that seemed to mock the unruliness of Lucien's own locks. And then there was his demeanor, the subtle arrogance that seemed to permeate every interaction, as if he believed himself to be inherently superior.

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