Navigating Life With Grace

Sticks, stones and broken bones

When I was in middle school I never cared if anyone liked me. I didn't like anyone so it didn't matter what they thought of me. I never had any true friends anyway.

When I got to highschool however, it was like a switch flipped. I suddenly wanted friends. I wanted to be loved by people.

It was going well, I made a few friends, talked to a few people. But then the whispers started. I found out people didn't really like me. They either hated something I said or just me in general.

I know people say children are bullies but teenagers are worse.

In truth, everything they said was true. I really was irritating and childish. Maybe it was the things they said or the fact that they were true but either way it hurt. It hurt a lot.

It was such a painful experience. More so because I didn't really understand social queues. It was one of the reasons I didn't want friends in middle school. I was scared of the rejection I'd get from my peers.

I didn't understand when to speak or when not to speak. Which was a big part of the problem in highschool.

I'd usually get all these things wrong and end up annoying everyone. It didn't help that I wasn't the nicest person.

It got better in senior year. Or rather I closed myself off from most people. It was less painful than way. But I still found myself second guessing everything.

As I got older and found new people, I learnt to put it behind me. I realised we were all just trying to figure life out and we all made mistakes. We all did things we want to take back. But the thing is you can't take it all back, you can only move forward.

I learned to open up more and found that when you find the right people to do life with, it becomes so much more meaningful and beautiful. I learned not everyone was meant for you and it became so much easier after that. Sure, their words hurt, but then again that's the thing with words.  Whether true or not, they leave a mark.

So maybe I'll never truly heal from that experience but at least I made a few friends.