Anonymous [Bungo Stray Dogs [BSD]

Nightmare

"Why am i here?" i heard the shadow speak.  i stare at it for a few minutes in shock

"What?" I'm extremely confused.  What did it mean by that

The shadow disappeared.  My eyes widens as i look around the room and i see it sitting on the bed, her knees are close to her chest while both of her hands are crossed, relaxing on her knees

"Why didn't i just died"

I heard the shadow speak again but this time... it didn't sound like a question

"Why am i still living?

Why am i still suffering?

What is my purpose being here?

I'm just a nobody who luckily survived?"

The shadow ask questions, these questions are quite familiar to me because i sometimes asked these types of questions inside my head.  Hearing those questions made me question my existence

My eyes turned dark and my face was covered by darkness.  I froze and lowered my head.  I don't know why, but suddenly, hundreds of questions are flooding my brain each seconds passed by, it slowly made me turn insane as i realized this

i can hear voices in my head 'Why am i hear? why am i feeling this? why do i keep suffering? why is life so hard? what am i think?!' complicated thoughts began to flood my brain, not even words can describe the complicated and emotional damage that i am both feeling and thinking.  Instead of asking more questions, i tried to one-by-one answer them but it still does not answer all the questions that i am thinking

it hurts, it hurts the neverending thoughts that i keep thinking, i know why i am thinking but I can't stop.  i am aware, i know how to stop and control it but why?  Why won't i stop?  why am i purposely doing this to myself? am i even doing it on command or not?

Tears are beginning to form on my eyes as i internally begged for my thoughts to stop

The pain, the pain, it hurts

I fell on my knees, i gripped my hair using both of my hand.  as these thoughts still kept coming and coming, my head started to hurt.  i feel nauseous, dizzy, confused, lightheaded and many more emotions that i cannot describe

PLEASE STOP

PLEASE STOP

PLEASE STOP

PLEASE SHUT UP

PLEASE SHUT

SHUT UP!

SHUT UP!

I noticed The shadow disappeared once again but i did not bother to look or try to look for it again for I am already tired

"haha... it's funny.  It's funny being in an illusion.  This might not be reality, reality isn't a show...for some.  Did i die? does anybody care if i die now? does it matter if i die now?... living is meaningless"

I was surprised that the shadow can laugh, can question it's existence, and can feel the same way i feel on life.  the last sentence made me even worse.  it made me lose my mind

she's right, life is meaningless

So why am i trying to?

Why I'm i tring to exist?

I don't even belong here...

Nobody cares if i die...

Nobody knows who i am...