Love, Lies & A Cup of Chai

Chapter 8

"Waisay me bhi itna bara koi selfish... gharyal nahin hun."

Umeed's head shot up his confession, her mouth parting as if to respond, but then she fell silent, realizing she had no words. She was left speechless.

"Mere paas koi choice nahin tha, jo hun jaisa hun... it was the need of the moment." Farjaad continued, leaning back on the couch and avoiding Umeed's gaze. "It's also not like I don't show up for Mimi deliberately."

Umeed felt her chest constrict with every word he said. The realisation that her words had affected him, even hurt him to some degree, made her feel uneasy inside. He had gone through so much at such a young age, and she had used it against him in a petty argument, albeit unknowingly. Umeed considered herself a kind person, but the concern she felt for her best friend's brother seemed overwhelming and irrational. Yet, at that moment, nothing mattered more to her than the words coming from the man sitting in front of her, and the emotions they carried.

"Bohot kuch daw par laga huwa tha. Mujhe nahin maloom tha kay kal kya hona hai. Kisi bhi baat ko lekar me sure nahin tha. Lekin agar koi aisi chiz thi jiskay ooper mujhay pura yaqeen tha, tou woh yeh thi kay chahay jo ho jayein, meri Mimi mujhsay qat-e-nazar mohobbat karegi. Haan woh thori naraaz ho sakti hai, lekin mujhay pata tha kay woh humesha apnay bhai kay saath hogi."

Farjaad felt a weight lift from his chest as he spoke. It was as if he had been carrying a heavy burden for the past six years, one he realized was suffocating him now that he finally let it out.

Had he grown accustomed to living under such weight?

He couldn't understand why he was confiding in an immature girl in her early twenties, his sister's best friend, someone he barely knew, especially about something he had never shared even with his mother despite her relentless pursuits to get him to open up. Was he trying to prove himself to her? Why would he feel the need to do that? He wasn't sure. All he could feel at that moment was the overwhelming relief flooding through him with each word he spoke. He didn't want to stop himself today; he let his irrational side take over and spoke freely.

"Ab mujhay pata hai tum soch rahi hogi yeh kaisa insaan hai, logon ko for granted leta hai. Lekin me jo kar raha tha woh bhi uski kay liye tha." Farjaad sighed, crossing his arms across his chest. "Me koi safai nahin de raha hun, mujhay pata hai menay zindagi mein bohoton kay saath bohot galat kiya hai. Me yeh bhi maanta hun kay me hun gharyal, ek had tak."

Umeed shifted in her seat, her attention fully focused on Farjaad.

"Lekin pata hai Umeed? Jab insaan pe waqt se pehlay zyada zimmedaariyaan aa jaayein na, tou usay waqt ki qadar karna aa hi jaati hai. Meri abhi graduation bhi complete nahin huwi thi aur... baba ki death ho gayi thi. Aur uskay baad tamam business ki zimmedariyaan... har chiz meray ooper aa gayi thi. Phir menay din raat mehnat kar kay apni parhai bhi mukammal ki aur iss, business ko bhi sanbhala."

Umeed couldn't help but recall the times when Mimi had narrated the same story to her. However, listening to Farjaad speak about his struggles felt different. Seeing someone she perceived as so tough and emotionless opening up like this, Umeed was coming so close to a major realization.

"Ek tou young age, ooper se no experience, tumhein pata hai log shuru mein meri baaton ko seriously nahin letay the. Phir menay apni zindagi ko badla apnay kuch usool banayein aur, aaj isiliye mein aisa hun." He stretched his arms out, pointing to himself; "Gharyal."

Umeed joined him in a chuckle.

Farjaad paused, resting one hand on the handle of the couch and the other in the space between him and Umeed. "In sab kay chakkar mein menay bohot waqt ko khoya hai, meray apnon kay saath aur iss baat ki samajh hai mujhe. Aur shayad isiliye me iss... wedding planning ko lekar itna particular hun. Warna kya hai, ek call kar kay saara kaam jaisa chahiye, jo chahiye, me karwa sakta hun. Lekin kya karein... insaan hun, ab jab Mimi jaa rahi hai tou me realize kar raha hun menay kitni na qadri ki hai uski, aur uskay waqt ki jo woh mujhpay bina koi hisaab kitaab kay lutaane kay liye taiyaar thi."