The is a poem (sort of) that I wrote one night after struggling with the difficult feelings that come with being a transgender male and not feeling like myself or being taken seriously. Most of my family and friends are supportive but others aren't. I haven't been able to medically transition at all, I'm in the stage where all I can do is wait, and the longer I'm not on testosterone and the longer I feel trapped in my body the worse I feel about.
So I wrote this explaining what it feels like.
Wish I liked being a kid
Wish I didn't feel like the odd one out.
Wish I wasn't pushed to be girly all the time.
Wish someone listened back then when I tried to explain.
Wish I didn't have to wait fourteen years just to say what's up.
Wish I wasn't born in the wrong body.
Wish periods weren't a thing.
Wish these boobs weren't here.
Wish binders actually made me flat.
Wish I could just walk down the street and be seen as a guy.
Wish I wouldn't have to jump through hoops to be myself.
Wish these waiting lists weren't endless.
Wish this didn't feel like a punishment.
Wish it wouldn't feel like I'm stuck in a cage.
Wish I could just start HRT already.
Wish the testosterone came naturally.
Wish people wouldn't make me prove who I am.
Wish they wouldn't guilt trip me about "God's plan."
Wish I felt welcome at church and camp, like everyone else.
Wish people wouldn't call me the wrong name out of spite.
Wish just existing didn't make me a target.
Wish I could just be one of the guys.
Wish they actually saw me as a real dude, not just because they have to.
Wish hanging out with them at rehearsals didn't feel forced.
Wish I could go on sleepovers like the other guys.
Wish I didn't have to "come out" just to be part of the group.
Wish I was a real boy.
Edited 22/04, removed the last paragraph
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Fragments
PoetryA book of short stories and poems. A large mix of emotions, sad, lonely, dysphoric, happy, being in love, etc. I write about whatever is on my mind.
