Deep Unto Deep

Chapter Three

The next few weeks passed by at a sprint, every day was filled with constant planning, looking over every little detail that went into the summer party. Nobody's time was free from planning.
Invitations went out last Saturday, and by today, ninety percent of the rich debutantes, heirs and heiresses, and nepo babies we invited every year had sent back that they'd be joining us tonight. There were always the stragglers who'd show up at the door with their invitation, even if they didn't send in any kind of RSVP, and like clockwork every year we let them in anyways. The RSVP was more for the decorum of the whole thing that Olivia insisted on, rather than anything serious or binding.
We had three hours until the doors would open tonight, and the house was full of florists and staff to help decorate. All of them turning the house and grounds into something that looked as though it had stepped right out of one of Shakespeare's plays at Olivia's instruction. At the center of it all stood Olivia with her phone full of documents and contracts, and her always open planner.
Octavia and I would help plan everything up until the last minute when everything was turned over into Olivia's hands. She went into a sort of trance, not a scary or weird one, one where Olivia was at peace in the middle of all of the movement of the day, happy to check things off her list and keep every detail perfectly oriented according to her planner.
I stood in the mezzanine, leaning over the railing that was more flowers and garland than railing at this point. I was watching Olivia in the atrium, lit up with smiling and talking to the crowd of people around her asking her questions and waiting nervously for her instructions.
"How does going out for lunch sound?"
I smile at Octavia who sneaks up from behind me, letting out a breath when she leans on the railing beside me and joins me in watching Olivia in her element.
"Olivia would kill us if we tried to leave the island before the party-"
"No, I know that. I don't want to leave the island anyways, I was thinking more going out to the cliffs with some kefetedes I had the chef make for us?"
I match the grin that lights up her face, quickly giving in to her and agreeing to go with her.
"Why not, I'll go tell Olivia and meet you at the stables?"
"Alright. Good luck getting through that crowd though."
I laugh and walk downstairs to Olivia, joining the crowd of people surrounding her. I catch her gaze from behind one of them, smiling and quickly telling her that Octavia and I will be back in an hour, running out the front door before she can complain or yell at me about being irresponsible.
I kick at the grass as I walk down the hill to the stables, walking through the already open barn doors and walking over to Octavia who's already tacked James and Lola for the two of us. I take James' reigns from her and lead him out of the stable before I step into his saddle, waiting for Octavia to finish with Lola and join me outside.
"Race you?"
I don't wait for her to answer, instead I kick James into a canter all while Octavia shouts behind us, urging James into a gallop once we get into the forest. I'm already yards ahead of Octavia when she makes it into the woods.
I make it to the clearing over the cliffs before Octavia. I step out of the saddle and into the grass, stretching my arms over my head to crack my back. I'm surrounded by wildflowers that sway in the wind coming off the ocean below, the breeze biting at my face and body even though I'm wearing a warm pair of pants and sweater. I take in a breath, closing my eyes for a second and letting the salt of the air bite at my lungs and throat. I'm broken from of my moment of quiet when Octavia comes breaking through the trees and into the clearing, yelling at me about how stupid and unfair that was when she stumbles off of Lola's back and over to where I'm standing. I watch her yell, dissolving into laughter when she shoves me onto my back on the ground.
I shove her off of me and roll my eyes, raising my hands in mock forgiveness.
"You're such an asshole! You totally knew you would win, James has always been faster than Lola, and on top of that he's taller! Not to mention he knows these trails better-"
I'm still laughing when I respond, rolling my eyes and pulling her down onto the ground beside me.
"Yeah, okay, okay, shut up Tavi- I'm sorry, alright? I won't force you to live a little next time."
She rolls her eyes and settles into the grass beside me,
"Whatever."
I turn my head in the grass to look at her, laughter and joy still painted on both of our faces. I hold her gaze for a heartbeat before my eyes flicker down to her lips instinctively, my breath hitching in my throat when I look back up at her eyes and notice she's staring too.
I look away, barely breathing, suddenly aware of how hard my heart is pounding in my chest.
"Alex."
I turn back to look at her, forcing myself to keep my eyes up, away from her lips, holding her gaze.
"What?"
I'm cut off when she kisses me, thoughts racing for a beat of my racing heart before I let myself go. Give into this feeling. Forget about Olivia, my promise to her. Forget that everything is going to be different after this.
Every single cell of my body is on fire, all at once every thought flies out of my mind other than how desperately I want this. Want her. Since I saw her for the first time, since I first heard her laugh, the first time I saw her talk about art or books. I tangle my hand in her hair, tilting her head back to kiss her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, before I find my way back to her lips, kissing her like this is the last time I'll ever see her. Kissing her with everything I've bottled up over these years. But it ends all too soon, suddenly every thought of how breathtakingly perfect this is is broken when she pulls away. And my heart is shattered into a thousand tiny shards of pain and numbness when she looks at me.
Because I can see it, I know what she's going to say before she says it.
"Alex, no, don't. Please don't be mad- we can't, you know that! Your sister-"
I'm already up, already pulling myself into James' saddle and turning him back towards the forest.
"ALEX!"
And I leave Octavia there in the clearing where we broke the only promise I'd ever made to my sister. And all I can think about is how much I want to turn around and break that promise a thousand times over if it meant I got to kiss her again, get to give into that ache in my heart that has pulled me to Octavia for years.
I'm back at the house in thirty minutes, exhausted, heart broken into so many pieces I feel everything and nothing at the same time. I'm followed by the smell of horses and sweat. I'm praying that Olivia won't see or notice that somethings happened between Octavia and I, silently hope that she'll be too caught up in the final details for tonight that she won't care even if she does notice. I'll avoid Octavia, hole myself up in my room and claim food poisoning or the flu, but in this moment that's the least of my problems. Because for the second time in an hour I'm being shoved backwards and yelled at. But this time instead of a giddy Octavia, it's a very, very, pissed off Olivia.
"Where were you? Where the hell is Octavia? People are going to be here in less than two hours and you two decide to trounce off to the cliffs and enjoy yourselves without even thinking about me, or the planning, or your promises you made to help-"
"Calm down- we were out riding. And also, we never help the day of. You never want us too. And Octavia should be back any minute, it'll be fine."
I ignore her when she starts yelling again, walking upstairs and to my wing of the house. Thankfully Olivia doesn't run after me, instead I hear her turning her attention to Octavia who must have just walked through the door. I kick the door to my room closed behind me to muffle the already far away sounds of Olivia yelling, shedding my sweat soaked sweater and pants, tossing them onto the floor as I stumble towards the shower.
Over an hour later, I'm standing in front of the mirror in my closet staring at myself. Not in a vain way, I'm not even really staring at myself. I'm staring at the costume I'm wearing. The pants Olivia had made are far more low cut on my waist than they looked in the bag, and all of a sudden I'm even more exposed than I thought I was going to be. I adjust the straps that hold the wings on my bare shoulders, giving up on trying to make them feel less ridiculous than they are and leaving the closet. I take my phone out of my pocket and toss it onto the bed as I leave, adjusting the pair of ram horns that are settled on my head between my curls.
Since the first time we started hosting these parties, we banned any kind of recordings. No photos, videos, audio recordings, anything. Phones were taken at the door and kept until the next morning. Anybody could do anything without having to worry about anybody outside of the party finding out.
I stuff my hands into my pockets as I walk into the library where Olivia is, smiling an apologetic smile when she bears me down to bear bones with a stare.
"I'm sorry, Oli. Really. But I got ready in time didn't I?"
She stares at me for a moment longer before sighing and walking over to me, not saying a word at first as she adjusts my costume, brushing a curl out of my face here, and an invisible hair off my shoulder there.
"Yeah, alright. I forgive you." She stops adjusting me and walks back to her chair. "Have you seen Octavia? We said we were going to get ready together but she's been locked in her room since the two of you got back."
I shake my head, falling into an armchair nearby once she's done adjusting my costume.
"Did something happen? She was a wreck when she got back-"
"No, nothing. I don't know why she was upset."
I lie through my teeth, about to come up with an excuse, but my words trail off when Octavia walks through the doors of the library. All of a sudden I'm left with nothing else to say. Struck speechless by her. There's a halo of flowers she's braided into her hair, and her dress is made so perfectly for her that it looks like it's been stitched right onto her body. She's done simple makeup, just glitter over her eyes and cheekbones.
She looks unbelievably beautiful. Breathtaking.
"Oh, Octavia-"
Olivia is the first one to talk, taking the words I want to say from my mouth as she walks up to Octavia.
"You don't even look real. The dress is perfect, oh my word. And the flowers?"
Octavia grins, complimenting Olivia and fawning over her dress and the wings, but the two of them are interrupted by the front doors opening and the whole house suddenly lighting up with chatter. And within barely half an hour, every room in the house is filled with people.
I'm back in the upper level of the library like I was at the last party, The Weeknd blaring over hidden speakers as I aimlessly watch everyone downstairs. Normally I'd be downstairs with them. Before the poker tables open I'm typically tangled with someone I'll only know for the night, not drinking yet, but the music and the aura that fills every single room is more than enough for someone to be drunk on.
But tonight, I'm avoiding Octavia. So I'm not tangled in the arms of some girl, or even downstairs dancing. I'm in the darkness of the mezzanine of the library, trying my best to avoid both her and the other couples tucked between the shelves of books. As soon as the doors opened and the house filled with people I went the opposite direction as her, and I've done my best to keep doing that for the last hour.
I'm startled out of my thoughts when one of my best friends from school leans over the railing beside me, flashing a grin before he drags me into a hug.
I laugh and hug him back, pulling away after a moment to look at him. He looks different. Older. He graduated last spring and has spent the last year traveling abroad. His hair is a brighter blonde, longer, leaving waves hanging around his tanner, more freckled face. He's managed to make the messy, rich bastard look work for him.
"Sawyer! I didn't know you were coming, when did you get here? You should have found me sooner-"
"Doesn't matter. What are you doing up here? Come downstairs, come dance."
I roll my eyes and laugh, letting him drag me down the stairs, taking his other hand once he's led us to the middle of the room. There's bodies pressed around us but Sawyer couldn't care less. He's always managed to make himself the center of attention in every single room. And Sawyer knows that. He relishes it. He's always loved the feeling when every pair of eyes in the room is looking at him, at us, and he loved the attention when we were at school, too.
And the two of us stayed there together until I dragged him off the floor to open the poker tables. I drop his hand when we make it out of the crowded library, walking to the set of doors between the stairs to the atrium. I pull a key out of my pocket and unlock the double doors, dragging them open and walking downstairs to turn the lights on. Once the lights are on, the entire room is lit up, and it barely looks real. Olivia has had the whole level of the house turned into a glowing forest. There's trees sculpted into the walls who's roots tangle with the bed of grass and moss and flowers that covers the ground. The ceiling is made of ivy and flowers that hang down and fill the room with a soft glow that's just bright enough for us to see the tables that fill the rest of the space. I turn to Sawyer, jaw dropped in shock at the room before us. Olivia has managed to outdo every year before now.
And down here is where the two of us spend the rest of the night, I'm planted beside Sawyer, dealing and playing in poker games. It's only when I walk up the stairs and back into the rest of the party on a hunt for more cigars, that I see Octavia for the first time since the afternoon. From across the room, she's the first thing I've seen clearly since I hid myself away downstairs. And she notices me the second I'm above the stairs, two pairs of eyes locked in one beat of regret.
I break away first, walking back downstairs empty-handed to Sawyer. Choosing to hide and face Sawyer empty-handed than have to face Octavia.
"I thought you were getting us more cigars?"
He leans back to look at me, confusion distorting his features and forming a crease between his brows.
"I'm calling it a night."
"What the hell? No- no way, Alex. It's not even sunrise. Did something happen?"
He recognizes the look on my face the second it flashes across my features, dropping his hand of cards on the table and pulling me into an empty room nearby.
"Alex? What happened?"
I don't respond, hold my breath for a second, and when I let it out I break. I fall onto the couch nearby, looking up at the ceiling that's been painted to look like the stars.
"Nothing, I just- Do you remember everything I told you about Octavia?"
He nods, sitting down on the ground across from me, folding his legs in front of him and letting his hands fall into his lap.
"Something happened today. Between us- we went out to the cliffs, and I don't know what I was thinking, but I-"
He cuts me off. Finishing my sentence for me.
"So you kissed her? That's not a bad thing, Alex- I don't understand. You've been mad for her for years, why did kissing her fuck you up this bad? Oh, shit, was it bad? Is she bad?"
I laugh and look down at my hands in my lap before I respond,
"No, no, she wasn't bad- it wasn't bad. She just chose Olivia stupid fucking pact over it all-"
I finally look at him, watching and waiting for some kind of a reaction from him but there isn't one.
"Alright. Here's what's going to happen. You're going to go upstairs, you're going to take her up to your room-"
I cut him off before he can continue
"No, absolutely not. That's not happening Sawyer, not now, not ever."
He laughs, smacking my hand out of air where I'm trying to shove him away, shove what I think he's about to say next away.
"No, no, no. It's not what you think, okay? Just give me a second to explain my plan, okay?" I don't say anything and he takes that as his sign to continue.
"Alright, you're going to find your sister first, and you're going to tell her that that stupid pact you made is null and void. You've been mad for Octavia and you promise not to break her heart or whatever else you need to say. And then you're going to go find Octavia, and take her upstairs, and you're going to kiss her until you can't breathe, do every fucked up thing I know the two of you have wanted to do for years. Okay? I don't really care what you do to her, but this girl is mad for you too, Alex."
I stop looking at my hands for a second and look up at Sawyer,
"You think so? Really?"
"Yeah, Alex. Every single person that has been around the two of you for forever, or at the very least last school year, knows the two of you are mad for each other."
I roll my eyes, standing and helping him up too before I respond,
"Yeah, alright. I'll find Olivia. Thank you, Sawyer. Seriously, no bullshit. If this works out-"
"Yeah, yeah, you'll owe me for forever. Just buy me a Porsche and we'll call it even, huh?"