The Sun Sets and I'm gone(transmigration BL)

Realization

Qiu Feng couldn't tell but at the moment Rou Lin was panicking. He was sacred that Qiu Feng would leave. He was an assassin, he was used to being alone. But in a way Qiu Feng was his savior, and when he left after his harsh words he realized how much he had invaded his life.

From the initial thankfulness to trust and a fondness he didn't want to think too deeply on. He knew he used Qiu Feng soaking up all the positive emotions the other gave to him. Not truly aware what he was doing was causing the other to suffer.

Too much giving leaves people with nothing for themselves. In the months his was alone he realized he was truly alone. When he heard that his business was annihilated he didn't react much besides the initial sadness and anger, and in a short span of time he met Wing Liu, his emotions were sent into a whirlwind.

It was only when he was left alone in this house for almost 6 months that he realized how much he missed the presence of others. And those weeks when he had been at his weakest Qiu Feng was with him. This had impacted him more than he thought.

He often found himself looking for his figure bouncing around the house and awaited winter with eagerness. When the first month of winter passed and Qiu Feng didn't come back he struggled with the idea of leaving to find him.

It's not like he hadn't wanted to leave and find him before but he always restrained himself, he knew that Qiu Feng didn't want to see him. But now the person he had been waiting for had finally came back but he wanted to leave again?

He wouldn't allow it!

His mind which was stressed couldn't help but induce other ideas such as,

'I'll act in a way that makes him pity me and that way he'll stay behind, or maybe i could slip something into the tea and drug him so he's too sleepy to move... maybe it would be better to just just- his his doctors bag...maybe..'

He was originally an assassin, he held no qualms doing dirty work, even less if it was to get the end result he wanted. But.. But, when he looked at the defenseless young man before him who looked at him with sad eyes he couldn't bring himself to do anything that may hurt him.

The two sides raged in his mind and even his well controlled impulses seemed to break free. In one smooth motion he picked up the young man. Although he had grown he was still very thin, and he all to easily had him trapped in his arms.

Qing Feng moved to sit up, a little uncomfortable suddenly being picked up. Rou Lin thinking he was trying to escape tightened his hold, but not enough to truly hurt Qing Feng.

"I'm sorry for speaking to you that way. In such an environment my only thought was to protect you and the best way I thought I could do that was to leave. I didn't consider you or your opinion, and for that I'm sorry. We can talk more at a later time, for now you need to rest."

Qing Feng stared at Rou Lins tense jaw and leaned his head back. Although he was somewhat jittery seeing how nervous Rou Lin was he relaxed miraculously. Even as Rou Lin tightened his hold to the point it was uncomfortable he couldn't summon up any negative emotions.

Relaxing he waiting until they entered his previous inner room. A wave of heat hit him, making him even more sleepy.

Stripping Qing Feng of his outer coat Roun Lin placed him on the bed. Qing Feng stared at him, he had calmed down and finally spoke,

"Thank you for apologizing, is it ok for me to sleep here? I know this is your bed now."

Rou Lin looked at him and stripped his own outer robe,

"No, it's always been your bed I've just been borrowing it. I'm going to have to wrong you and you'll have to sleep here. The other rooms aren't fit for winter."

Slipping into the bed and under the thick covers Rou Lin looked at Qing Feng who seemed confused.

Qing Fengs remaining rational said that he should complain, or refuse or even offer to leave the room and sleep elsewhere even if it was cold, but staring at Rou Lin who was watching him somewhat eagerly he gave in. They'd slept together before when taking naps during summer, it wouldn't be any different now. Uncovering the suppressed memories of when he first arrived in this world his heart hurt a bit.

His mood suddenly dampened his dug under the covers and tried to suppress the sudden feelings of unfairness. Rou Lin stared at the person who had turned his back to him and restrained the urge to reach out and take hold of him, to bring him close.

He knew he needed to restrain himself and yet... every time he saw this person his reasoning left him. Drawing the bed curtains closed their surroundings grew dark. In the dark Rou Lin listened to the others breathing as it calmed and slowly fell asleep. He stared at the other, his mind which was raging with thoughts earlier had calmed down.

Staring at Qing Fengs back he calmed down. Qing Feng was back for now, all he had to do was keep him here.