Goner sighed as he listened to his girlfriend, Chloe, slam the front door. Their fight had gotten heated and she left. She always left after fights. Slamming the door and leaving in her car. Joshua never knew where she would leave off to after a fight, but he never questioned it. He didn't want to have another fight with her, but he couldn't stand when she would randomly yell at him. He wasn't even completely sure why she yelled at him this time, but according to her, he was always doing something wrong. He was about to play Elden Ring with Turnabout, but then Chloe went off on him. He sat in his gaming chair, tears in his eyes and pocket knife in his hand. Joshua had always hated fights, thanks to his parents constantly screaming at each other when he was a child. He tried to get that through Chloe's head, that fights just scared him, but she never listened. She would promise to never fight with him again, but those promises always ended up broken and left Goner sobbing and covered in self inflicted wounds. He just needed a way to relieve himself of the stress. He needed to silence all the thoughts in his head, the echo of his girlfriends screaming voice. He wiped a few tears off of his cheek and pulled down his loose shorts. He always went for his thighs when he would self harm, that way Chloe or his friends wouldn't notice. He always wore pants, so it's not like he could get caught. He pulled up some of the fabric on his boxers to have better access to his upper thigh and opened the pocket knife. With shaky hands he brought the blade up to his pudgy thigh, gently caressing the old scars on it. Goner hated doing this, it hurt him badly, but he didn't know what else to do. As much as it hurt, it was the only way he could sooth himself. He felt hopeless, like he was the problem and if he just acted right, Chloe would stop fighting with him. He felt bad for upsetting her, even if he never actually did anything wrong to provoke her to start a fight. But all he could think about was how it was his fault, and that he was driving his beautiful girlfriend away with his stupid choices. He began to cry again as he made a small cut on his thigh with the knife. He watched as it slowly turned red and dripped a tiny bit of blood. All Joshua ever did was cat scratches, far too scared to accidentally go too deep and hurt himself badly. He didn't want to die, at all. He loved his life, as a matter of fact. But he just couldn't help but feel like he deserves to hurt for how agitated and upset he made Chloe. He sighed as he made another small cut on his upper thigh, wincing at the pain. He hated being in this situation. He felt weak for this, felt like he shouldn't be doing this. He was an adult now, he had much better ways to take care of his feelings, but yet here he was, cutting. There was a part of him that wished his hand would slip and hit an artery. But at the same time, that thought was so fucking terrifying. He would lose everything. He was tempted, but could he really do that to Chloe? While she did deserve a better boyfriend, he couldn't do that to her. He groaned as his thoughts raced, he just wanted all the overthinking to stop. He made a few more small cuts on his thigh, then moving to the other thigh and making similar cuts. After a few minutes, both his thighs were aching and burning. He put the knife down on his desk and whimpered as he watched blood spill from his tiny wounds. He knew he should clean them and bandage them, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Too afraid of how much it would burn him even more. So, he just decided on pulling up his shorts and not doing anything to clean the cuts or stop the bleeding. He didn't care at this point. He wiped his blood off of the blade and flopped down onto his bed. Looking at his phone, there were multiple texts from Turnabout, and even one from Sematary. He sighed, hoping neither of them were suspicious about his little rendezvous. He decided to come up with some excuse for the late replies to their texts. Goner smiled as Turn once again invited him to play Call of Duty. Even if things were shitty, Turnabout's angry banter from losing always cheered him up.
