Always the artist never the muse

"Friends"

I won't lie to you, friendships aren't my strong suit, don't even get me started on relationships!

I am one to back away the second something goes wrong, I don't wanna be attached, I see something is off and so I distance myself. It keeps me from getting hurt.

I know a lot of the time it's always relationships that hurt but I feel like we don't acknowledge friendship breaks enough, it hurts like hell.

You never really expect yourself to stop being friends with someone, I don't wanna sound like a bitch when I say this, or that "I'm seeking attention" but I honest to go believe I have trust issues!

I need to know someone for a solid year before I even begin to work on bringing down my barriers.

I hate that I do that but I do

Especially being in high school, god don't get me started! I came here knowing no one, NOBODY! I had to put myself out there and meet people, and my god did it fucking kill me!

I'm currently sitting in my first period bored out of my mind, I have my headphones in, even tho I'm technically not supposed to, fully tuning out everyone and everything

I was doodling on my paper when someone stood in front of me

I figured it was just some fucking kid who thought they were funny so I ignored it, then they proceeded to take my notebook away "you're here to take notes" my teacher said

Fuck

"I was" I stated

She started flipping through my note book "Victoria these don't look like notes" she said "are you even paying attention"

I didn't say anything I just slumped back into my chair

"If you plan on passing I suggest you take notes" she said tossing the note book back onto my desk

All the kids around me were giggling, I wanted to die

Thankfully the bell rang! My lord and saviour, the bell!

I threw my stuff into my bag, grabbed my jacket off my chair, shoved my headphones in my ears on full blast and left the room

I don't understand how some of these kids don't listen to music when they do things, walking in the crowded hallway is so awkward when you don't have music in your ears

I'll stop with the music talk, I'll talk about it later

"Victoria!" Someone shouted down the hall

I didn't turn to look, maybe it was rude, but there's also like three other people in my grade with the name Victoria

I continued my walking down the hall to my other class

"Victoria!" They said again

I still didn't turn to look

I went I to the class and sat down, I lowered my music now because I realized that the people around me could hear it...

"Victoria" someone outside my class said

I looked up from my phone to see my friend Charlie, she was waving me out of the class

"What" I said walking outside of the classroom

"I called you like three times" she stated "you couldn't hear me?"

"Sorry" I said checking my phone again "full blast" I gestured to the headphones

I've been friends with Charlie since freshman year of high school, she's great, she's super nice and she introduced me to all her friends. She had black hair that goes to her shoulders, she cuts her own bangs once every month, she had dark brown eyes and braces. And she almost always wears jeans, I have never seen her not wearing jeans, no matter the occasion.

"....and then he was like 'yeah I like you but ur just kinda weird' oh my god do you believe that!" She said

She was talking about this guy she was talking too

"What a douche" i said "he's annoying anyways" I said letting out a small laugh

She's talked to many people in the span of high school so far, guys, girls, people just really seem to want to date her. I on the other hand don't have that, guys don't talk to me, I'm pretty sure half the school thinks I'm gay.

Which I have clearly stated I'm not, but what the fuck can I do

I guess I'm just not pretty enough, which doesn't help my terrible personality