Before the New Moon

November 10th, 2002

A lot of Sunday was spent trying to make sense of what I saw and ignoring calls from Natalia. I didn't know what to think. Maybe I should've stayed. What if she needed help? Was she calling out for help when she yelled my name? I didn't think, I just reacted.

She didn't look in danger, but maybe it was because the coach was there.

But then what about the messages begging me not to say anything? I didn't know what to think.

I picked at my fingers and anxiously looked out the car window. It was cloudy, typical for the end of hurricane season, but something about it made me feel uneasy.

"Eleonor?" My mom put her hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure you're alright?" Worry was written all over her face, I'd pretended to be sick all Sunday, I just wanted her to leave me alone.

"I-I'm fine mom."

"Are you sure? You don't have to force yourself," She pressed the back of her hand to my forehead. "I can ask abuela to take you to the doctor."

"No!" I exclaimed, a bit too much. "It's-it's probably just some bad food from the party. And I have some stuff to turn in anyway." I couldn't act any differently, I still didn't know what was going on. If I made a wrong move Natalia could get in trouble. My mom still seemed worried, but with a short glance to the time on the car radio she relented. She was going to be late for work.

"Okay," her voice was tentative, "Just call me if anything happens."

"I will." She leaned over and gave me a kiss on the forehead reciting a little prayer like always, but today it brought me no comfort.

The cloudy sky covered everything in a gray hue, the type of sky that announced a storm, unsettling. My gaze darted from side to side. The idea of just cutting class to avoid the issue crossed my mind, but I couldn't cut forever. So I walked on, through groups of other kids, all unaware of my strife.

From the corner of my eye I could see Natalia sitting on the cement bleachers next to the court. She was talking to some of the other girls from the volleyball team. I tried to avoid her, but she noticed me quickly.

"!Eleonor, ven acá!" Her voice was as enthusiastic as ever, but it sent a sharp chill up my spine. I turned to face the group to see her waiving me over. I wasn't sure what to do, should I ask her? Act like nothing happened? I looked at the relaxed faces of my other teammates and got no answers. I walked up to them.

For a moment I thought everything was normal. That maybe I'd dreamed the whole thing, I'd imagined it, I'd seen wrong. Natalia seemed so normal, talking and laughing with everyone. But that misplaced belief didn't last. I felt Natalia hold my hand and squeeze it, but not in a friendly way, or asking for support. It was the type of grasp your mother would give you when you've done something wrong but she can't scold you yet because you're in public.

I looked at her, she looked ahead at the rest of our friends, I'm sure she could feel my gaze but refused to acknowledge it.

So it had been real, and she was in on it.

The bell rang not long after, signaling the start of the school day. The others made their way into the school building while Natalia remained seated, her hand firmly holding me in place. When the others questioned, she waved them off, stating that we'd just cut the first class. I could have thrown up.

I dont wanna talk about this. I want to leave, for the first time in my life I longed for Spanish class. But Natalia's iron grip on my hand never faltered. Soon the court was empty, everyone diligently going to their classes. After what felt like an eternity of silence, I decided to speak up.