It didn't work, John!

Chapter 10

"Shall we go after them?" John asked.
"Well, that's Greg's job now."
Sherlock leaned in and kissed John.
"Yes," nagged Anderson, still pacing the flat with his forensic stuff, looking suspiciously at him.
"Better let the professionals do their job now. You amateurs. That freak's nothing but trouble."

John boiled.
Sherlock's eyes sparkled. He put a reassuring hand on John's arm.
Then he reached into the inside pocket of his coat and pulled out a small screw-top glass. Inside was a... a crawly critter with antennae...
Why does he have something like that in his coat pocket, John thought. Oh, damn it, I don't want to know.
"Well, Anderson," said Sherlock, "do you know what that is?"
Anderson looked distraught.
"A...cockroach?"
"Right."
Sherlock looked at the glass, but then looked at Anderson's face.
"And you know what? Why would I engage in a conversation with a cockroach when I have a perfectly competent and capable consultant and friend by my side, like our good Dr. John Watson?"

Anderson gasped for breath.
John had a coughing fit.
It was a fake coughing attack designed to hide a laugh.
Sherlock was unbeatable.
Lovely.
An insult without actually being insulting.
John gasped.
And was very much amused.
He was also immensely happy to receive the compliment of his sweetheart.

"Come on," said Sherlock, "Let's go home, John. Here our job is done and now we've got time for ourselves."
Taxi. To Baker Street. Make some tea there first. It was becoming a ritual. So was Sherlock making the tea.
"Thank you," John said, as his fiancé put the cup in his hand.
He took the first sip and his mobile was vibrating.
Greg.
Just a quick message.
"Got her."
Sherlock's phone was vibrating, too.
"Oh," he said, amazed. "Mycroft thanks me. ..for solving this case so quickly."
He looked at John.
"John, why is Mycroft saying thank you? He had nothing to do with the case... oh."
John smiled.
"That's right, Sherlock. Now that the case is solved, Greg will have time for him again. They'll make up for what they missed out on his interrupted day off."
Anyone else would have been smirking knowing that. Or smiled in amusement. Or something like that.
Anyone.
But not Sherlock.
Sherlock looked at John and said:
"You mean, wild, uninhibited sex? The kind we have?"
And again, John choked on his drink, this time tea.
"Yes, Sherlock, that's it, that's the point."

"John? Now that he's solved the case, we've got time for wil..."
"Yes, Sherlock! Just let me finish my tea first, okay?"
"Yes, John. Well, actually, there's something I'd like to talk to you about first anyway. It's about what you're trying to teach me, John."
He looked at his fiancé.
"Well?" he asked.
"John, you must explain something to me. Something that, once again, I do not understand. John, you're so well versed in all this interpersonal stuff. You know so well that you never do anything wrong."
John wanted to protest. Sherlock got that wrong. That he would never do anything wrong... well, there were enough people who thought otherwise...
But Sherlock wouldn't let him speak out.
"You threatened to break Anderson's bones. I insulted him. What exactly is the difference between my behaviour being worthy of correction and yours not?"
John sighed.
"Oh, Sherlock. In my defence, you might say you insulted Anderson because you think he's awful, so for completely selfish reasons. I, on the other hand, was defending you with my threat, so I was acting altruistically. ...but it's wrong. My behavior was just as worthy of correction."
"Selfish... selfless... yes, I can find logic in that. Only that your behaviour is wrong again, even though you were selfless, I don't understand."
He kissed John gently.
"Oh, Sherlock, I know it's complicated."
He kissed back.
"But you know, my dear, you're making great progress. I'm proud of you."
They snuggled up against each other.
It was astonishing, always astonishing, how much this man, who until not so long ago claimed to know no feelings, enjoyed caresses with his fiancé.

"John?"
"Yes, Sherlock?"
"Have you thought about some other punishment for me? One that works?"
John sighed.
"Listen, my love. Since you've obviously found this system of punishment to be logical, and therefore effective, in your learning process, and I don't seem to have a chance of talking you out of it..."
He looked at Sherlock questioningly.
The man shook his head vigorously.
"...we're going to start from scratch. I'm not going to punish you for general misconduct, because that would be unfair, precisely because you can't see through all the tricks and all the pitfalls. No, I will make very specific demands. And punish you if you break them. Okay?"
Sherlock nodded.
"Right. So your first instructions are no conscious insults. No conscious insults, not even against Anderson. Understood?"
Sherlock nodded.
"And as punishment, I'm giving you one week of doing the shopping."
Sherlock looked at him in horror.
"But John, I never shop."
"That's just it, dear. I might as well combine your correction with a little bit of convenience for me. Aren't I a clever guy?"
Sherlock smiled.
"Indeed you are, John. It's a real incentive to avoid punishment and the behaviour that leads to it. I hate shopping!"
John smiled.

"And, Sherlock, now, as for the second system, rewards for encouraging behaviour, believe me, rewards will be far more generous. I'll be throwing them right at you."
"Well, John, I must admit I'm glad to hear that."
"And I think that for the compliment you paid me today in such an impressive way... Say, Sherlock, where did you get that cockroach, anyway? And more importantly, where is it now?"
"That, my dear John Watson, is not what you want to know. Believe me."
John shuddered.
"Very well, Sherlock. Now, where was I? Oh, yes, the compliment. I think I'll start the rewards right now."
Sherlock looked at him in love.

Then he grabbed John, threw him over his shoulder and walked towards the bedroom.
John protested, but Sherlock said
"It's true you wear the pants in our house, John, and we want to keep it that way, because it's good. But today I'd like to see this situation change and we both end up without pants. And, by the way, I'd like to extend the same courtesy to the rest of our clothes."
And then he threw Laughing John on the bed.

They kissed, it got wild and stormy.
"Mmmmhh," purred Sherlock.
"With rewards like this, I'll compliment you far more often..."
Suddenly he sat up and looked at John with surprise and delight and wide eyes.
"You see, John... it works!!!"